Do you have someone in your life who likes to help sometimes? And every time they "help" it makes more work for you? It would have been better if they kept their help for themselves right?
My soon-to-be-ex is like that. Sometimes he's a lot of things, helpful NOT being one of them. Sometimes he just wants to help, well at least that's what HE says. Personally I think the jury's still out on whether or not he really is trying to help or not.
Anyway, every time he decides to help its a disaster for me. I end up undoing and redoing or just plain doing more to fix what got screwed up. If you don't know me, I like to do things 1. The first time around, 2. As quickly and easily as possible. Nothing frustrates me more than having to go behind someone else because of incompetence, laziness, or just plain doing a half-assed job. (please excuse the language). Needless to say I get frustrated a lot with the soon-to-be-ex.
I would much rather do it myself in the first place, save half the energy, the frustration and the time. I have repeatedly asked him not to help. I have thanked him for wanting to help, but explained as nicely as I could that it's easier on me in many ways to just do it myself.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, I came home the other night to find twigs littering my lawn. When asked why they were there my s-t-b-ex stated that a large limb fell from one of the trees in the yard and he broke it up for me. Does he not realize that now instead of moving a limb, or a couple of manageable sized pieces of a limb to the brush pile is infinitely easier than picking up hundreds of little pieces of twigs of varying sizes and making several trips? And then having to take up the REALLY small pieces? Does he remember that most yard work is hard for me, especially in all the heat we've been having- due to it being the middle of summer- and all the stress I've been under which causes my MS to flair up!
This is just the last in a long line of "helpful acts" which cause me more work, stress, frustration, fatigue, and yes anger.
It's easier to not get upset when my son is the one "helping" because with his autism it's a miracle he wants to help in the first place and I want to encourage that behavior. But my s-t-b-ex? He's 41 now, I can't think of an excuse that would work for him. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate any person wanting to help, and let's face it, I'm not good at accepting help but appreciating the thought and appreciating the extra everything it puts on me are 2 VERY different things.
So, thank you for WANTING to help, and thank you for helping (if you do it so I'm actually helped), but PLEASE don't help if it makes it harder for me. That's not helping. Not in the least.
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