Depression

I have found myself suffering from a severe depression during the last couple of weeks. I have been pulling away from all my friends, and activities I enjoy. I cannot focus on anything for any length of time. All I want is to sleep, but I cannot quiet my mind to get a restful sleep.

A wise, beautiful and insightful friend recently wrote a blog post about life changing and likened it to a sandcastle. (I apologize that i do not have the capabilities to link up to her blog but it is Paradise Found. it is an inspiration. I highly recommend everyone check it out and follow her!) A sandcastle that is washed away by the ocean, this is where I find myself- without my sandcastle. I find myself having to start over and terrified. I am trying not to jump into any decisions - already made a few that I regret but cannot change- I need to take some time and figure out what I want my new sandcastle to look like.

My problem? I'm at a loss as to what I want it to be, so how can I come up with the blueprints? Well, I guess I have the rest of my life to figure things out. In the mean time, I am trying to find things to be grateful for.

1. My breath
2. My son
3. My friends
4. My home
5. My job such as it is stress and all

That's all I got for now. I am doing the best I can........and that's good enough for now.

What are you grateful for during the hard times?

My back

We had a freak snowstorm a couple of weeks ago.  I had to go out and shovel the heaviest snow/slush I can remember ever having to shovel.  I remember I hurt my back while doing it.  Well, I am at that age where things take longer to heal.  I think I slept wrong last night because I woke to it really hurting.  Didn't help that later in the day I was leaving my house and started to fall down the porch stairs.  Luckily I caught myself or it would have been a lot worse I'm sure.  However I tweaked my back again.  So now I am sitting here waiting patiently for my pumpkin seed to come out of the oven so I can take some pain medication and go to sleep.
I'm not writing this to complain, because I am actually grateful my back hurts.  Grateful you ask?  Why would I be grateful?  Well, because my back was bothering me I was able to take the day off from work.  I don't do it often, in fact only when I feel like I'm at deaths door will I actually call out of work.  ( I have worked through colds, migraines, regular headaches, aches and pains, etc.) Then I did the almost falling thing.  This I think was Karma because now I really wouldn't be able to work.  And part of me was feeling guilty for not working my shift.  So, long story short.........I am moving slower than usual, but I got to surprise my beautiful son by picking him up from school, and spend a glorious afternoon/evening with him I wouldn't have been able to share if it wasn't for my back.  So today I am grateful for my back pain.  Because of it I was able to create memories I wouldn't otherwise have been able to create, and it is a reminder to slow down every once in a while and take care of myself.  I don't often listen to the whisperings that tell me to take care, so I sometimes need to be "hit upside the head" to get the message.
Message received loud and clear.  (Until I forget about it again)

Teach me Father.....

I feel the need to repeat my grandmothers prayer:

Teach me Father when I pray,
Not to ask for more,
But rather let me give my thanks
For what is at my door.
For food and drink
And gentle rain,
And sunny skies above.
For home a friends,
And peace and joy,
And most of all for Love.  Amen

Really needing to remind myself to be grateful for the important (and simple) things.  For that prayer I am grateful........