Will

So, it's been a while. Things have been overwhelming lately. (more so than before)
On top of Will being in SH I was without heat at my home for 4 days and my car died at the same time. My parents bought me a car. I'm very grateful to them for helping me out, but it makes me feel like a loser. I'm 38 years old and should be able to take care of myself.

What started out as the worst week of my life became I e of the most wonderful. So many people have been sending Will cards in show of support and encouragement. I learned that Brian Waters (from the Patriots) wife is sending Will cards and wants to send him a care package when he comes home. At Trader Joes the cashier said she wanted to talk to her manager about sending him a care package as well from Trader Joes. Wow! How wonderful that strangers are willing to support my wonderful son!!

The garage I brought my van to even waived their $40 fee for looking at it. I feel truly blessed to have these people in my life.

The best part is that after having lunch with Will this morning I talked to the social worker about our next meeting. At our last they had no plans for a discharge. We scheduled the meeting but was also told that they believe Will has turned a corner and they are now thinking about discharge in 2 weeks.

I'm so happy about this turn of events, but terrified at the same time. This means a lot if hard work and vigilance on my part. I'm not afraid of hard work, I'm afraid of screwing up and mostly of Jason not doing the work. I don't want to make any mistakes. I know I'm human and will make mistakes, I just hope they aren't big ones and Will continues to move forward and doesn't backslide. Especially because of something I did. I want him to continue on his path towards self control, self soothing, higher self esteem, lessened anxiety and lessened depression. Please let me support him on this path.

A very long week

This week started off feeling completely hopeless. I ran out of oil Sunday, the same day my van decided to say goodbye. Now Sundays are the only days of the week I work all day and can't see Will. Every other day I can at least see him for 20 minutes while he eats lunch. Monday I was called telling me I could not come for lunch due to Will struggling. (I found out later that day that he lost my visit as punishment NOT supposed to happen!!!!!!!) I went Tuesday for lunch. I was very anxious to see him not only because of the previous day, but also because he is my only Valentine.

Again they refused to let me see him. This time because he was in the middle of a crisis. I did see his hand from behind a mat (he was trying to hit staff) I left his valentine cards
And gifts at the nurses station and cried as I left, feeling more alone than I thought possible.

However, not all was lost, I changed my way of thinking, and on Tuesday I was able to have oil delivered. (didn't have heat till Thursday as I was at work when they delivered oil so no one was there to let the guy in to bleed the line and start furnace.)

My parents let me borrow their car, and I'm still borrowing it. My father also took me out Friday to look at cars and bought me one on the spot. I can't say how appreciative and grateful I am to my parents for their help and support, but I also kind of feel like a loser for being 38 and unable to buy my own car. Oh well, I'm a work in progress and trying to not beat myself up too much for needing help. Especially since there is so much going on in my life right now.

I was also able to visit Will weds, thurs and Friday!! He has been in very good spirits all three days. Even with his med and dietary changes. I look forward to seeing him again today and enjoy music group with him. It seems to be the only place where Will can/will tolerate my singing. Then I will go pick up my mom (she's without a car since I'm borrowing hers till I pick up my new car at the beginning of the week) and we will go back to SH to visit with Will.

Then we will go visit my grandfather who is not doing well at all. He's getting more confused and depressed by the day. He is very clear (and has been all his life) that this is not how he wants to live. Although I love him dearly and want him with me for as long as possible our whole family has started to pray that he does not see his next birthday (march 2). He is an amazing man and I love him with all my heart.

As for other blessings this week: I went to pick up the van and they waived the $40 fee for looking at it. Also, I got 2 iced coffees yesterday for the price of one. May not sound like a lot, but I was grateful and that second coffee came in mighty handy. ;~). Also, at Trader Joes when explaining why I was buying so many cards (cashier asked first) she took down Wills name and said she was going to ask if TJ's could put together a package for him and send it. WOW! How amazing!!!!!!

And to top it all off, my mother connected with the wife of a Patriots football player a while back. She is sending Will cards, and has asked for a list of his favorite things so she can get a care package together for him. How blessed am I to have so many people care about my son. My faith has certainly been renewed this last week. To go from depression, fear, and such a sense of being overwhelmed to having hope, faith, acceptance, help, and love. I have a deep sense of gratitude to everyone who has and is supporting Will and myself. To everyone who has offered any and all help: thank you so very much. I feel so blessed to have you in my life. I love and appreciate you so very much.

Here are a few pictures from Will's valentine present.

His favorite reason was that he's cute. ;~)