The day after

Today is the day after Thanksgiving.  I have been posting all over Facebook what I am thankful for.  My family, friends and most of all my wonderful son.  Now there are other things I am thankful for, such as having a job, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly.  I know the lst could go on and on, but I will stop there. 

Holidays have a way of being overwhelming to the general population.  They are much more so to a child with special needs.  We have now entered the most stressful time of all.  Most people can handle the bombardment of sensory input with a certain amount of ease.  These special children have a harder time.  They can not process all the input coming at they from every direction.  These children are on overload, from the word go. 

My son is one of these children.  I have been dreading the holidays for this reason.  I have been expecting melt down after melt down.  Tantrum after tantrum.  As well as a few bruises along the way.  I can't say what the rest of this season will bring, but so far my son has blown me away with his ability to deal with Thanksgiving.  We went to my aunts house as usual, Will brought his laptop to use as a way of calming himself.  He was a little withdrawn, but that's OK.  With so many people there, and a TV loudly playing a football game, I'm really not surprised.  When it came time to eat, he tried a few things I asked him to, (even though he didn't want them) and almost cleaned his plate.  He asked to be excused, he thanked people for moving for him so he could leave the table.  He thanked my aunt and uncle for the meal.  When he had had enough, he quietly asked if we could leave.  So we left.  No dessert for us, (but then again I REALLY don't need it).  We brought left overs to my parents house--my mother's on bed rest and so my parents didn't go--Will played a little there.  My parents asked him questions, he told them quietly and calmly he didn't want to answer questions.  When they continued, he got a little agitated, but remained in control.

We got home and had a quiet evening, with mo melt downs.  This is usually the time where he falls apart.  He holds it together so well for so long and then the least little thing will send him over the edge.  But not tonight!  Went to bed and fell asleep quickly.

We woke this morning, had a quiet morning, I put the tree together.  He was patient, but told me frequently that he wanted me to take a break and play with him.  When I was done with the tree, he actually helped me for a little while, I stopped and played.  Then I set on the lights.  Again he offered to help for a short while, encouraging me when he saw I was getting frustrated.  Told me it was OK and I could stop for a while o play with him since he missed me and didn't want me to get angry.  I stopped, we played, we laughed, and I got back to work.

When I was done with the lights I asked him if he was ready to help put up the decorations.  He said "Not now."  We waited.  I asked 3 times, every time I got the same response.  I finally, with a frustrated tinged voice, asked him to pick a time.  The cracks appeared.  He told me he didn't want to put the decorations up, he wanted to get out of the house.  We went to the library.  He researched hamsters, and took out three books on them to read at home.  I got out the decorations, he stated he would put on the garlands, and that I could take a picture of him holding them in his hands.  I must admit, I took advantage.  I turned off the sound to my phone a took a few more.

The rest of the evening passed in giggles and smiles.  There was no arguments over dinner, meds, bath, or brushing teeth.  We went upstairs at 7pm and read the rest of a book we were already reading from the library, and he quickly fell asleep, even with protest that he was too tired to sleep.

I must admit, I was relieved.  I imagined full blown melt downs last night and most of today, but my boy is growing up.  This of course doesn't mean I won't get them tomorrow, or somewhere throughout the rest of the season, but for now things are good.  We will keep things very low key for the next month, hoping to continue this good fortune, but there's too much out there in the world for it not to affect him.  Whatever happens, he is my beautiful son, I love him more than life itself, and will always be proud of the way he manages to cope with this overwhelming, sensory saturated world we live in.  He is my hope, my inspiration, and my heart.

This is the only authorized picture in the bunch

And this is what the tree looked like when we were all done.

Fear less, hope more

Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and all good things will be yours. ~Swedish proverb

 I found this proverb this morning while looking for my inspirational quote for today on Facebook.  It really spoke to me.  I really need to take this quote in and immerse myself in its meaning.  I fear way too much in my life.  I fear the future.  I fear failure.  I live in fear.  I need to learn to let go of that.  I need to learn to live in the present, not in the future where fear lives.  I need to be thankful for everything I have.  Not fearful that it's not enough.  I AM enough.  What I have IS enough.  My life is plentiful.  I may not have everything I "think I should have" but I have everything I need and truly want. 1. I have myself, and I am happy with being with myself.  I do not feel the need to fill every moment I am on my own with others and things.  I am content. 2. I have my wonderful challenging son.  He is my everything.  As long as I have him, my life is complete.  3. I have my family.  As crazy and challenging as my family is, they are always there supporting me in every way, cheering me on when I need it, and celebrating right along side me when I achieve something.  That's all I really need.  I mean having my house, clothes and food help too, as does a job that is fulfilling where I am truly helping others that can pay for said food, clothes and home.  But everything else is just stuff.  It's dust-catchers, nice things to have, but nothing I really need.

I need to hope more.  Hope is something that helps us get through life a little easier.  I'm not talking about  hoping to win the lottery (although it would be nice) I mean hope for a better future for my son.  Hope that tomorrow will bring more blessings than yesterday.  And hope that tomorrow I will choose to be content and at peace with my life and the abundance in it.

I need to eat less.  Yes, I really do for many reasons.  Let's leave it at that for the moment shall we?

I need to chew more.  I think it is important to remember this.  All the time but especially now as we move into the holiday season.  Chew more, take the time to enjoy, savor, and experience the food that nourishes our bodies.  And as important if not more so, the food that nourishes our soul and spirit.  I think I (we as a world) overlook that.  I am always rushing around going from one crisis to the next, or one appointment to the next.  I rush through my meals, I barely taste what I am putting in my body, and often I an feeding myself crap.  I need to take time to sit without the TV or other distractions and truly experience my nourishment, and give thanks for it.  Again also experience and give thanks for the food of my soul and spirit.  Again, I find that I am finding quotes that speak to me, inspire me and I put them up on Facebook, hoping they will inspire others as well.  But do I really sit and dwell on them?  Do I really take the time to appreciate them and experience what they mean to me and how I can incorporate them into my daily life?  Unfortunately not very often, or at all if I am really being honest.  And really, why write this blog if I can't be honest with myself? 

I need to whine less. I find myself , more often than I care to admit even to myself that I am complaining about things in my life I don't like.  Instead of complaining I need to be rejoicing all the positives in my life.  I recently found myself on the phone whining to a friend.  She stopped me and asked me to tell her a positive.  Halleluiah!  That was just what I needed for a reality check.  Now, that's not to say I won't be sharing some of the harder things in my life, but I need to start doing more sharing of the positives.  NO EXCUSES! 

I need to breathe more.  I think that goes without saying.  I need to stop and just breathe.  More than that, I need to be grateful for my breath.  It means I am alive!  That is a joyous thing!  I am grateful for my breath, and I will take the time to just breathe.

I need to talk less.  That one's a hard one for me. (Aren't they all though?)  Often I find myself talking just to fill up the empty spaces in a conversation, or if there is someone else in the room I talk just to talk and not feel awkward.  Why?  Why do I (we) feel the need to do that?  I am enough.  There is a serenity in quiet times.  Sitting in a room with another, doing our own thing- reading, crafting, etc and just being.  Being with someone is enough sometimes.  I don't need to talk about useless things just to fill the spaces.  I give myself permission to be quiet and enjoy others in silence.  Lending my support and love through quietness.

I need to say more.  When I do talk, I need to be more mindful about what I am saying.  Am I being a force of negativity or positivity?  IS what I'm saying making a difference or just needless chatter?  I need to think before I speak and make it count!

I need to hate less.  I think overall I'm pretty good with this one, however we all have room for improvement.  I try not to judge people, I may not like a person or their actions, but I don't generally hate others or things.  When said I'm usually just very hurt in that moment and it is a "go to" phrase.  However, even this is putting more negativity and hate into the world.  Even if when I take some time I can honestly say I don't hate someone, I was just hurt by them.  Words can hurt, even if only said to ourselves.  If they are repeated enough they take on enough energy to make it real.

I need to love more.  No matter how much I love, I can love more.  I need to continually open my heart up to more love, reach out and share that love so maybe someone else will pass on love and people will love, not hate, accept, not reject, praise, not criticize.  All we need is love.

 It's a dawn of a new day.  What will you choose?