What a weekend

My weekend started with me packing the car so when Will got off the bus we were able to jump in the car and take off. We stopped at my parents house because Will wanted to visit with granny and papa. Then off we went to camp. As you may remember from previous posts: camp is my special place. It is my peace, my safe place where I can go to recoup, hide, refill my soul, find peace and joy.

I was home.

We unpacked and then headed out to dinner. I promised Will we would go to Dairy Queen for dinner. After we came back and settled for the night. We read A Giraffe And A Half by Shel Silverstein. Will always giggles throughout the story and keeps score over how many times I mess up while reading.

Saturday was spent at Pumpkinland. Here we wandered, petted/looked at the animals, went through all the free attractions, paid for a few extra - the bouncy pad, the mining experience, and the haunted day ride. We had food and drinks. When we were done, we went back to camp, walked the labyrinth which is supposed to be for meditation and inner reflection. However, it's hard to be in a contemplative mood when your son is urging you to race to the middle with him. We went around to different camps to talk to owners about their pets. He has decided he is running the PPVC (Pet Palace Veterinary Clinic) at camp. He feels its good practice for when he becomes a vet. That night we again read the same book and there were giggles, and quick to point out my mistakes.

We spent a little time this morning, playing, and walking around the circle. Then I drove him to a meeting place and handed my baby over to his father and girlfriend. They are taking Will to Storyland in NH. I'm not sure how I feel about Will staying in the same hotel room overnight with dad and girlfriend sharing a bed next to him, but I have no control over the situation so: so be it. Hope he has a great time.

I drove back to the camp, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I ended up taking a walk up to Sunset Hill. It's a beautiful little walk and we have a memorial garden at the top with two very beautiful souls who are buried there. (That's where I plan to end up myself.). Visited with some amazing friends, had a lot of great food at the turkey fry potluck. Then I helped with the clean up by washing all the dishes. I have to say: if I never see another piece of flatware it will be too soon..... I washed enough for 120 people at least.... (Not all was used) when I was done I said goodbye to everyone until next spring, closed up the camp and packed up my car for the drive home. Now, I could have stayed another night, and part of me wanted to, but I have to make some important calls in the morning then go and see a wonderful man who I like a lot.

I've had such a wonderful weekend, one that I desperately needed. I'm grateful I was able to enjoy it, and a little sad that camp is closed for the year. As I sit here on my couch and catch up on tv shows I have recorded I feel strangely melancholy. I don't know why....... I wish I was able to just bask in this time alone instead of stress about my financial "stuff", or feel so alone. I usually can enjoy being by myself. I certainly can entertain myself. So I don't fully understand why I feel like I do. I do know that I am grateful for this.....even this feeling of being unsettled.

What a week

So, I've been talking lately about going to camp for the week. Well, we went, and now we're home. So I thought I'd share what a wonderful week it was, and how amazingly well Will did there. Now that's not to say we didn't have some struggles, because we did. But overall it was so much more than I had ever hoped for.

Will brigs his wii, DS, laptop, and videos when we go to camp because that's how he spends his week. He stays in the camp and needs me to be there with him. He has developed a fear of all things creepy crawly. BUT, not this week! Yes, he spent a good amount of time in the camp with his electronics, but e also spent a large amount of time outside with the other kids for the first time EVER!!!

He went after the girls more than the boys, and I had to have a talk with the girls to educate them on ASD, but he was out there! They let him play! He also made another friend to play one on one with. And he's Wills age! What a week.

We went out to the ball field one night for a bonfire and s'mores. Will had 2 s'mores then wanted to leave until he saw all the kids playing on the far side of the field. He asked to play! So off he went and played for an hour with all the kids. Seriously, I can't get over this. Such a change this year.

I remember, the last few years I have not participated in anything at camp. This year I was able to go to the adult bible study for the first time ever, because Will went to his class and was able to be there AND participate without me sitting with him making sure he stayed safe. I was able to go to communion every morning, rehearsals for the musical (I had 5 solos - I haven't sung in years. Oh how I've missed it!), I went to song service (and led it 3 evenings) and I got to go to vespers at night! I did skip vespers one night because Will stated he missed me and hadn't spent enough time with me.

I had people around the Grove telling me how different Will seemed this year. So much happier, much more outgoing, and very helpful. He was a server for his junior youth group breakfast. He served me eggs and was so proud. He went to the Good Shepherd Food Bank and volunteered as well as many other acts of selflessness. He even calmly walked away when another little boy who was struggling kicked him. When an adult stepped in to talk to the other boy, Will walked away! How amazing!

We went swimming, we walked a labyrinth, we loved, we participated, and he even came to the show Friday night. I wasn't expecting him to stay for the entire thing. Sitting for 1 hour or more is extremely tough. I did give him my iPhone to take pictures with, he decided to video tape part of the show. When we walked in, he started telling EVERYONE that his mommy was in the show and she was undecided. (one of my solos has me as an undecided person who eventually decides to follow Jesus). When it was over he got up and started clapping and yelling "that's my mom! Wasn't she awesome?". Now I ask you, how amazing is that? This from the boy who tells me not to sing, and has ever since he could talk. I would start to sing a lullaby and he would say " no mumma, stop, just stop."

I am so blown away with the progress my son has made since he went to Spring Harbor. They gave us such a wonderful foundation. Will has worked so hard this year and it really shows. I feel truly blessed.

I just have to add: I knew we had made progress but when you live it day to day it's hard to see all the growth until you are thrown into a new situation. Have you had similar experiences where you are astounded by your child's growth?

We made it to camp

Here I sit on my couch at camp. It's 10 o'clock in Sunday evening. So far so good. Will is doing well so far, granted I've let him play on his electronics a lot. But a mom has to do what a mom has to do.

Tomorrow morning starts the organized portion of our vacation. This is the part I am most anxious about. There are daily activities. Some Will is expected to participate in, and some I am almost desperate to participate in..... I am trying to hold onto NO EXPECTATIONS, but it's really hard. I used to be involved in everything and for the last ten years I've been involved in almost nothing. The last three years have been spent virtually in my camp away form everyone.

So far we are holding strong. We were supposed to have smores in the ballfield tonight but it was rescheduled for later in the week because of the rain. Will was very disappointed, but did well with it. Monday and wednesday bring our in home support up here for a couple of hours both days. I am so very excited they will be here. It will help focus Will and get him out of the camp more and it will give me a much needed break as I am here with Will on my own again.


This is our weekly schedule... We'll see how we do with participation!

It's camp time again

In one week my son Will and I will be at our camp again for camp meeting. I have been going since I was 6 (33 years oh my!) and my son has been going for 10 years (since he was 1 week old!). I've written about Empire Grove before. It is the balm to my battered soul, it is where I am closest to my God and my grandfather, and where I find peace.

As my son started to grow up and struggle more and more it's been harder and harder for Will to enjoy camp. It's such a foreign environment to him now. It does not hold the same structure as home does. There is too much freedom, too many kids running and riding bikes ( Will doesn't run fast, and can't ride a bike). These kids don't understand Will, they don't want to play what he wants to play and he can't keep up with their play. Can we say beyond frustrating?

And so he struggles.... We had a couple of years that were disasters. Last year was better, and I'm hoping this year will be amazing by our standards. We have spent a couple weekends at camp since Will was in Spring Harbor and they went very well.

This year should be particularly interesting as we are putting on a musical (it's one I did 30 years ago at the Grove!- wow time flies. I'm starting to feel old lol) and I really want to be in it. I haven't sung in too many years to count and I really miss it. I'm hoping Will is able to cope with me participating. However, this means we CAN'T leave early as I will be needed for all rehearsals and for the performance. Can he handle it? Do I dare try?

The last several years I have not participated in much because Will needed me more. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent any choices I've made in regards to this. I guess I'm just leery of pushing this, because I want to spend the entire week there. In fact, I guess you could say I need this time. Yes, I'm being selfish in this but I deserve to be selfish once in a blue moon right?

So, the question is...... because Will is getting older, and doing better, do I take this experience to try and push him a little? OR Do I keep things status quo so I have a better chance of being able to have my full week at the Grove?

Do I participate in something that brings me great joy knowing it will make the week more stressful? OR Do I pass on this opportunity to keep the peace?

I'm really struggling with this. To top it all off I have to consider my MS. I've had a lot of symptoms lately and they are exacerbated by stress and heat. (always a lot hotter at camp then at home)

How much is too much? Anyone? Anyone?

A little piece of heaven

This would be my camp. I have been going there since I was 6 years old, that's.........a long time. My phone doesn't work there, I have no Internet or tv. It is bliss. It is quiet. It is where I go to rejuvenate my soul and fill myself with peace and love. I also feel closest with God there. For me it is the most God-like place on earth. I don't need a church I only need Empire Grove.

If you've been reading my blog then you know that I have been all over the place emotionally lately. My MS has been flaring up causing a lot pain, fatigue and stress. My son has been up and down lately, and I have been getting back into the dating scene. I have had other ups and downs as well lately, but I don't need to go into it all here.

None of these things have gone away, they are still there and will be, if not always then at least for some time to come. So why do I feel calmer? More at peace with my lot in life and myself? Because I just spent 17 hours at my camp. It wasn't long enough for me, but then it never really is.

I saw some wonderful friends, ate some wonderful food at the pot luck dinner and got to sleep in the best place on earth. To top it all off: Will did amazingly well while there. Nothing like the last 2 years. He was outside playing and letting me visit, he even offered to help set up for the dinner: OMGoodness!!!

I also got to see an amazing man who is finally home after a horrific accident this summer. His circumstances have drastically changed, but his positive attitude knows no bounds and he hasn't lost his sense of humor. He is and will always be my favorite dirty old
Man.

I am hoping to spend A LOT more time there this summer as it always has such a calming, centering effect on me. I came home from such a short visit feeling more rested, calmer, and happier than before I left.

I am so blessed to have my own little piece of heaven I can visit whenever I can get there. Again, it's about finding the balance and making the time to get to heaven.... And this time of year the lady slippers are EVERYWHERE!