Lesson learned

When facing a difficult period in your life, I have learned a valuable lesson.  --  Buy a hamster.
Ok, so that isn't the lesson, well, not really.  Things haven't been great lately as you might imagine.  Our case manager came over this morning to help me try to figure out my finances.--YIKES!--  I know, I stress shop.  I also shop when depressed.  Can we say I've been majorly depressed lately?  Guess what I've been doing--  Yup, spending money I don't have.  Well, I have finally pulled my head out of the sand, and am facing my finances head on, so to speak.  Now, I'm not perfect, so I'm sure I will make mistakes along the way, but I'm hoping if I do, they will be small ones--like buying a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts--not going out and spending $100 on a cricut I really want but don't need.  Although I'm hoping that I'll be strong enough to pass on the irresistible call of Dunkin Donuts!
I really thought Jenn would yell at me for spending the money on the hamster, but she was actually happy we bought her.  Recognizing that she's therapy for Will.  Yeah!
However, the real lesson came from working hard to stay positive throughout the last few months (2 years).  When Jenn walked in the door she told me that she was given the OK from her bosses for me to offer massage at her office throughout the month of December.  They will provide a room for me to use, people will sign up on certain days during my available times and I get to keep all the profits!  Wow!  She also wants me to gather some of my crafts to sell at her office.  They will set up a table for my cards, crocheted animals, vinegars, oils, body scrubs, and anything else I want to sell.  I can also market myself and sell gift certificates, as well as take orders for other personalized items I make such as the book frames.
So the lesson is, always strive to see the positive, and act positively (I'm not perfect, but I work at it every day) and you will attract positivity to you.  I am truly blessed.  Plus as I write this Sophie has been running around the entire downstairs of my house in her hamster ball.  She is quite the speed demon.  I think she might deserve a speeding ticket at this point.  She also might be texting or involved in some other form of distracted driving as she keeps running into everything--maybe she's intoxicated..... The fine for that would go quite a ways at financial freedom. ;-)

I know, she's in her hamster wheel here, not her purple ball, but she's too darn fast in the ball!  I'll share a picture either here or over at Emily's perspective when I catch her in the act.

Now, it is time to try and catch her so she can go back in her cage, and I can go to bed!

Anxiety part three

So I went to the drs today. They did an EKG. Then I talked to the dr. The good news: my heart is fine. Strong regular heart beat, not enlarged, no sign of any distress. The bad news: surprise! It's stress and depression. I am being put back on depression meds, was told to go for walks, talk to a good friend, cry, reduce the stress in my life.
Here's my problem with that: there's nothing I can really do to reduce the stress in my life, it is all out of my hands. (I am trying to work on how I deal with that stress, really I am). Going for a walk is hard but not impossible. I'm so tired all the time I just have to break this cycle and get out there and do it. Talking to a friend, well, I only have one friend that I talk to regularly, she has so much on her plate, and let's get real here- who wants to hear someone constantly talking about all the problems? I know she would get sick of me real soon if I complained any more. (I'm trying to be more positive in my thoughts and words and deeds). The last thing is crying- he thinks I should cry a lot. I hate to cry, I am so programed now that I am fighting to stop the tears as soon as they start (which is all the time now), I also can't stand being all stuffy during and after as well as my eyes hurt for hours after 2 min of crying, if I really let go they would never feel ok again!
So, this journey has thrown a few more curves into it, but who wants to walk down a straight road anyway right? Right? I know I'll be fine and will come out as a stronger, more empowered, more compassionate woman. Now if I could only learn acceptance, every time I think I've accepted and let go of my "stuff" it rises up to bite me once again. When will I learn the lessons I'm being taught?