Forgiveness for myself

Monday was another rough day. I, yet again, did not handle myself or Wills outbursts well. I can blame my chest cold that lingered to the 3 week mark, my sudden flair up of MS symptoms- new and some of the oldies but goodies- being tired from our trip. Yes all this has caused me to be run down and therefore having a lot less frustration and patience tolerance. However, I feel like I can only use that as an excuse and as his mom, I need to do better. Whatever is going on in my life for me CANNOT interfere with my relationship with Will. It CANNOT come into play!

At the same time, I am aware that I am only human, NOT a superhero. I am NOT perfect, I am flawed as is everyone. Therefore I need to forgive myself for not living up to my idea of the perfect parent, daughter, sister, friend. I give myself permission to be imperfect. It really is ok.

I mean, it might be different if being a parent came with an instruction manual. I sometimes (all the time) wish we did. Especially for children with special needs.

Wouldn't that be nice? Oh... Just to let you know..... Will did turn it around after Monday. We've had a great week since, although I'm not sure we will do a big overwhelming trip again any time soon. Start and remain small (for a long time) that's my motto. :~}

Another difficult night

So, last night I stayed on the couch till 1am. Went to bed and laid there playing on my phone till 2:30, at this time I fell into a restless sleep. Tossing and turning till 6:45-ish am. Then I refused to get out of bed till 9:30, when I had to drag my butt out of bed to make some coffee for my seriously sleep deprived brain to function. Drank a large cup, then left to have lunch with Will at SH. While there he told me he still liked being there, had a rough night and it was because he hadn't known what to expect at bedtime but he was all good now.

I called SH just a little while ago. He had a great day for the school part but then struggled of and on. Including bedtime. Where he refused to settle again, went to quiet room, started getting aggressive with staff. Had to leave quiet room as someone else needed it so he went in the sensory room and fell asleep there.

So it was still a rough day/night but it was better than night #1. So, even though I know he wants to be there, and things were better at bedtime, why do I find myself exhausted at 12:10am unable to shut my mind off and sleep? I have had way too many nights like this leading up to SH. Weds and last night were the worst. Hopefully it will get better for me too?

Mom and I are going to visit tomorrow morning. I know she's anxious to see him and his environment too.

But what to do the rest of the day? A good friend has invited me out tomorrow night, but I really am not up to a group of strangers, or anyone right now.

I did go to a friends house today for a few hours so that's good right?

Here's hoping for sleep tonight. For me and Will.