The day after

Today is the day after Thanksgiving.  I have been posting all over Facebook what I am thankful for.  My family, friends and most of all my wonderful son.  Now there are other things I am thankful for, such as having a job, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly.  I know the lst could go on and on, but I will stop there. 

Holidays have a way of being overwhelming to the general population.  They are much more so to a child with special needs.  We have now entered the most stressful time of all.  Most people can handle the bombardment of sensory input with a certain amount of ease.  These special children have a harder time.  They can not process all the input coming at they from every direction.  These children are on overload, from the word go. 

My son is one of these children.  I have been dreading the holidays for this reason.  I have been expecting melt down after melt down.  Tantrum after tantrum.  As well as a few bruises along the way.  I can't say what the rest of this season will bring, but so far my son has blown me away with his ability to deal with Thanksgiving.  We went to my aunts house as usual, Will brought his laptop to use as a way of calming himself.  He was a little withdrawn, but that's OK.  With so many people there, and a TV loudly playing a football game, I'm really not surprised.  When it came time to eat, he tried a few things I asked him to, (even though he didn't want them) and almost cleaned his plate.  He asked to be excused, he thanked people for moving for him so he could leave the table.  He thanked my aunt and uncle for the meal.  When he had had enough, he quietly asked if we could leave.  So we left.  No dessert for us, (but then again I REALLY don't need it).  We brought left overs to my parents house--my mother's on bed rest and so my parents didn't go--Will played a little there.  My parents asked him questions, he told them quietly and calmly he didn't want to answer questions.  When they continued, he got a little agitated, but remained in control.

We got home and had a quiet evening, with mo melt downs.  This is usually the time where he falls apart.  He holds it together so well for so long and then the least little thing will send him over the edge.  But not tonight!  Went to bed and fell asleep quickly.

We woke this morning, had a quiet morning, I put the tree together.  He was patient, but told me frequently that he wanted me to take a break and play with him.  When I was done with the tree, he actually helped me for a little while, I stopped and played.  Then I set on the lights.  Again he offered to help for a short while, encouraging me when he saw I was getting frustrated.  Told me it was OK and I could stop for a while o play with him since he missed me and didn't want me to get angry.  I stopped, we played, we laughed, and I got back to work.

When I was done with the lights I asked him if he was ready to help put up the decorations.  He said "Not now."  We waited.  I asked 3 times, every time I got the same response.  I finally, with a frustrated tinged voice, asked him to pick a time.  The cracks appeared.  He told me he didn't want to put the decorations up, he wanted to get out of the house.  We went to the library.  He researched hamsters, and took out three books on them to read at home.  I got out the decorations, he stated he would put on the garlands, and that I could take a picture of him holding them in his hands.  I must admit, I took advantage.  I turned off the sound to my phone a took a few more.

The rest of the evening passed in giggles and smiles.  There was no arguments over dinner, meds, bath, or brushing teeth.  We went upstairs at 7pm and read the rest of a book we were already reading from the library, and he quickly fell asleep, even with protest that he was too tired to sleep.

I must admit, I was relieved.  I imagined full blown melt downs last night and most of today, but my boy is growing up.  This of course doesn't mean I won't get them tomorrow, or somewhere throughout the rest of the season, but for now things are good.  We will keep things very low key for the next month, hoping to continue this good fortune, but there's too much out there in the world for it not to affect him.  Whatever happens, he is my beautiful son, I love him more than life itself, and will always be proud of the way he manages to cope with this overwhelming, sensory saturated world we live in.  He is my hope, my inspiration, and my heart.

This is the only authorized picture in the bunch

And this is what the tree looked like when we were all done.

Traditions

This is the time of year that I really sit down and think about my family traditions.  I mean, we have some throughout the year, but most are during the holidays.  I also think about how they have changed over the years.  All holidays were spent at The Farm until my grandmother couldn't handle doing it any more.  This actually only happened when her Alzheimer's got to a point where she couldn't cope.  It was heart breaking for me, but the traditions didn't die, they just changed.  After a while they felt almost as good.  We spend Thanksgiving at my aunt Kathy's house.  She and my uncle Cliff make the best Thanksgiving meal around.  (Sadly I can't remember if Grams was better or just as good.)  Christmas was spent alternating between my parents house and my Aunt Patty's.  Then my mother's health got to a point to where we celebrate Christmas at Patty's every year.
Our family Christmas was always everyone on my mother's side of the family gathering on Christmas Eve.  We'd have a big meal,   open presents.  We now do a Yankee swap, as it's too expensive to get everyone something, with the exception of the children still in grade school.  We now plan our Christmas party for some weekend in December that works for the majority of the people that can come.  My son and I spend Christmas eve at my parents home.
As you can see, our traditions are still in tact in some form or another.  However there is another tradition , which is being severely altered and maybe even cancelled this year.  This is our tradition of making pip-a-neir.  What is pip-a-neir you ask?  It is a danish cookie, similar to a molasses cookie, only looks like doggie kibble.  (Yes, I know, this works to my advantage though, I bring it with me and no one wants to try it because they think I'm eating dog food.  Got to love the Danes!)  Ever since I remember I have been making this cookie.  When my Gram was alive and well, we ALWAYS made it the Friday right after Thanksgiving.  We would all (grand kids, and sometimes a few adults) gather at The Farm and work in the kitchen with Gram while listening and singing to Christmas carols.  When my Gram could no longer host this, my aunt Patty was kind enough to host every year since.  It isn't on Fridays anymore though.  But it is usually that first weekend after Thanksgiving.  So I don't feel like it's changed too much. 
I got a call from my aunt today, telling  me my cousin Kate can not be there for pip-a-neir, so we won't be doing it this weekend.  She also didn't know if it would happen at all.  Can I tell you, this is devastating to me.  I know it's only cookies, but it's the holiday tradition that makes me feel closest to Gram.  She was and is one of my 2 true heroes.   She taught me so much in my life.  About life, love, family, tradition, and above all: how to enjoy life.  How to live.....  I miss her every day, I think of her often.  It gets a little harder and sadder around the holidays, but that's ok.  She is in my heart, and will always be there.
These traditions bring me a feeling of peace and of being a little closer to Gram.  So I think I will go to the store and get the ingredients so Will and I can make our own pip-a-neir.  We may not be with the rest of the family, but he and I will carry on that tradition together, and I will remember.....and be grateful.