Very rough week

This last week has certainly been rough. It felt like I was being kicked in the teeth at every turn. My ex continues to anger and frustrate me due to his taking advantage of me and my home as often as possible. Work has been more stressful than usual with a lot of call outs, people threatening to quit, lack of support from my superiors, and filling in on multiple shifts beyond my regular shift. Then there is my son who is now lying and stealing from me. On top of all this, I've had 2 tire blow outs in 3 days, replaced them and then went for an alignment only to be told that I needed 2 ball joints as well. Can we say expenses I can't afford?

So yes, there has been a lot more stress than usual. I haven't been as positive as I could and should be this week. But you know what? That's ok, I think I'm allowed a little melt down or 2 (or 4-10) whatever.

But you know what? Through all this my ex was supportive in some ways, my boss gave me a break at the end of the week and even ran the errands I was supposed to. My son gave me hugs, giggles and a wonderful weekend devoid of a lot of stress.

While picking up my car ---cost way more than I originally thought---I got to see an old friend, and now my car is safe (well, at least safer), my mechanic is letting me make payments, my parents have the cutest little puppy (which I want to steal!) and I've been able to sit outside and read while listening to my son play with the neighbor kids and laugh.

So did I have a bad week? Yes, I absolutely did. Did I have some amazing moments this week? Yes, I absolutely did. Did my week end on a good note? Yes, yes it did.

Life isn't always perfect, in fact there are times we want to run away and quit our lives (or at least take a month long vacation from it) but if you hang in there, it is all good in the end and worth all the stress and heartache.

My life is good. Now for that vacation......

Self reflection

As I sit on my couch this morning icing my still swollen and slightly sore ankle I am taking this time to self reflect on where I am in life.

If you had asked me 10 years ago where I would be now, it would NOT have been here. I'm still overweight, I'm in the final stages of getting a divorce, I have a special needs son, I have MS and I have a great job but it doesn't pay enough to live comfortably at all.

However, I'm not all that unhappy wit where I am. I am out (almost completely) of an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage- wont go into any details as he's not a bad guy but..... Anyway, my job is still one I enjoy and I'm good at it, and I get to help people everyday.

My son is the light of my life. He brings me joy even on his roughest days. It doesn't matter how dark it gets, whatever the struggles are. My son is my world and it will always be a good day if I can see his face.

So really I have a pretty good life. It may not be where I had envisioned myself to be, but I'm happy where I am. This new life promises to be better than I could have imagined.

Fear less, hope more

Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and all good things will be yours. ~Swedish proverb

 I found this proverb this morning while looking for my inspirational quote for today on Facebook.  It really spoke to me.  I really need to take this quote in and immerse myself in its meaning.  I fear way too much in my life.  I fear the future.  I fear failure.  I live in fear.  I need to learn to let go of that.  I need to learn to live in the present, not in the future where fear lives.  I need to be thankful for everything I have.  Not fearful that it's not enough.  I AM enough.  What I have IS enough.  My life is plentiful.  I may not have everything I "think I should have" but I have everything I need and truly want. 1. I have myself, and I am happy with being with myself.  I do not feel the need to fill every moment I am on my own with others and things.  I am content. 2. I have my wonderful challenging son.  He is my everything.  As long as I have him, my life is complete.  3. I have my family.  As crazy and challenging as my family is, they are always there supporting me in every way, cheering me on when I need it, and celebrating right along side me when I achieve something.  That's all I really need.  I mean having my house, clothes and food help too, as does a job that is fulfilling where I am truly helping others that can pay for said food, clothes and home.  But everything else is just stuff.  It's dust-catchers, nice things to have, but nothing I really need.

I need to hope more.  Hope is something that helps us get through life a little easier.  I'm not talking about  hoping to win the lottery (although it would be nice) I mean hope for a better future for my son.  Hope that tomorrow will bring more blessings than yesterday.  And hope that tomorrow I will choose to be content and at peace with my life and the abundance in it.

I need to eat less.  Yes, I really do for many reasons.  Let's leave it at that for the moment shall we?

I need to chew more.  I think it is important to remember this.  All the time but especially now as we move into the holiday season.  Chew more, take the time to enjoy, savor, and experience the food that nourishes our bodies.  And as important if not more so, the food that nourishes our soul and spirit.  I think I (we as a world) overlook that.  I am always rushing around going from one crisis to the next, or one appointment to the next.  I rush through my meals, I barely taste what I am putting in my body, and often I an feeding myself crap.  I need to take time to sit without the TV or other distractions and truly experience my nourishment, and give thanks for it.  Again also experience and give thanks for the food of my soul and spirit.  Again, I find that I am finding quotes that speak to me, inspire me and I put them up on Facebook, hoping they will inspire others as well.  But do I really sit and dwell on them?  Do I really take the time to appreciate them and experience what they mean to me and how I can incorporate them into my daily life?  Unfortunately not very often, or at all if I am really being honest.  And really, why write this blog if I can't be honest with myself? 

I need to whine less. I find myself , more often than I care to admit even to myself that I am complaining about things in my life I don't like.  Instead of complaining I need to be rejoicing all the positives in my life.  I recently found myself on the phone whining to a friend.  She stopped me and asked me to tell her a positive.  Halleluiah!  That was just what I needed for a reality check.  Now, that's not to say I won't be sharing some of the harder things in my life, but I need to start doing more sharing of the positives.  NO EXCUSES! 

I need to breathe more.  I think that goes without saying.  I need to stop and just breathe.  More than that, I need to be grateful for my breath.  It means I am alive!  That is a joyous thing!  I am grateful for my breath, and I will take the time to just breathe.

I need to talk less.  That one's a hard one for me. (Aren't they all though?)  Often I find myself talking just to fill up the empty spaces in a conversation, or if there is someone else in the room I talk just to talk and not feel awkward.  Why?  Why do I (we) feel the need to do that?  I am enough.  There is a serenity in quiet times.  Sitting in a room with another, doing our own thing- reading, crafting, etc and just being.  Being with someone is enough sometimes.  I don't need to talk about useless things just to fill the spaces.  I give myself permission to be quiet and enjoy others in silence.  Lending my support and love through quietness.

I need to say more.  When I do talk, I need to be more mindful about what I am saying.  Am I being a force of negativity or positivity?  IS what I'm saying making a difference or just needless chatter?  I need to think before I speak and make it count!

I need to hate less.  I think overall I'm pretty good with this one, however we all have room for improvement.  I try not to judge people, I may not like a person or their actions, but I don't generally hate others or things.  When said I'm usually just very hurt in that moment and it is a "go to" phrase.  However, even this is putting more negativity and hate into the world.  Even if when I take some time I can honestly say I don't hate someone, I was just hurt by them.  Words can hurt, even if only said to ourselves.  If they are repeated enough they take on enough energy to make it real.

I need to love more.  No matter how much I love, I can love more.  I need to continually open my heart up to more love, reach out and share that love so maybe someone else will pass on love and people will love, not hate, accept, not reject, praise, not criticize.  All we need is love.

 It's a dawn of a new day.  What will you choose?

A new start.....

I've now officially started my third blog. What am I thinking? Am I crazy? Why three?
Well, I can at least answer the last question. The reason for three blogs, is that they are all for different reasons.
An art-filled life is for the creative side to be expressed. I've missed that side for too long, therefor I now have a forum to share it, to continue to be inspired and maybe inspire someone else.
Emily's perspective is a unique take on some of the experiences I have in life and how I look at them with humor.
This blog is because I need a place to process that which is my life. It is not meant to be looked at as a pity party, or for people to think my life is hard, or that I think it is harder than anyone else's. It is simply a place for me to talk, in writing form, about my life. To travel down a path of acceptance, learn to love myself as I should and start again in living a joy-filled life. If anyone decides to read and follow this blog I hope it helps, knowing that you are not alone, and I hope I feel less lonely in the process. I hope there will be some insight, wisdom and even humor at times.
I'm not the best writer, so here's hoping.