Let me help with that

Do you have someone in your life who likes to help sometimes? And every time they "help" it makes more work for you? It would have been better if they kept their help for themselves right?

My soon-to-be-ex is like that. Sometimes he's a lot of things, helpful NOT being one of them. Sometimes he just wants to help, well at least that's what HE says. Personally I think the jury's still out on whether or not he really is trying to help or not.

Anyway, every time he decides to help its a disaster for me. I end up undoing and redoing or just plain doing more to fix what got screwed up. If you don't know me, I like to do things 1. The first time around, 2. As quickly and easily as possible. Nothing frustrates me more than having to go behind someone else because of incompetence, laziness, or just plain doing a half-assed job. (please excuse the language). Needless to say I get frustrated a lot with the soon-to-be-ex.

I would much rather do it myself in the first place, save half the energy, the frustration and the time. I have repeatedly asked him not to help. I have thanked him for wanting to help, but explained as nicely as I could that it's easier on me in many ways to just do it myself.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, I came home the other night to find twigs littering my lawn. When asked why they were there my s-t-b-ex stated that a large limb fell from one of the trees in the yard and he broke it up for me. Does he not realize that now instead of moving a limb, or a couple of manageable sized pieces of a limb to the brush pile is infinitely easier than picking up hundreds of little pieces of twigs of varying sizes and making several trips? And then having to take up the REALLY small pieces? Does he remember that most yard work is hard for me, especially in all the heat we've been having- due to it being the middle of summer- and all the stress I've been under which causes my MS to flair up!

This is just the last in a long line of "helpful acts" which cause me more work, stress, frustration, fatigue, and yes anger.

It's easier to not get upset when my son is the one "helping" because with his autism it's a miracle he wants to help in the first place and I want to encourage that behavior. But my s-t-b-ex? He's 41 now, I can't think of an excuse that would work for him. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate any person wanting to help, and let's face it, I'm not good at accepting help but appreciating the thought and appreciating the extra everything it puts on me are 2 VERY different things.

So, thank you for WANTING to help, and thank you for helping (if you do it so I'm actually helped), but PLEASE don't help if it makes it harder for me. That's not helping. Not in the least.

Will I ever change?

What do I mean by that you ask? I mean, will I ever get better at accepting help. Don't even get me started on my inability to ASK for help....

I've met this really nice guy. He has treated me better than any guy I've ever known. Even though we don't have a serious "relationship",(see previous posts about how I am not in a position to have/want a serious relationship right now), he has offered to come over on his day off and mow my lawn for me. He knows I'm not supposed mow because of my MS. When I thanked him but refused he told me he wanted to help so I could spend more quality time with Will, when I'm not feeling too ill to play with him.

Really, how wonderful is this guy? So you know what I did? I mowed the lawn today and now feel horrible. Haven't eaten yet today and it's now 1pm. I have no appetite, but I do have a pounding headache.

So why do you ask did I mow my lawn when I have a very sweet and handsome man willing to do it for me? Because I stink at accepting help. Even when someone offers I feel guilty. I was told all my life that I needed to take care of myself. Don't depend on anyone else. Your responsibilities are yours and no one else's. This is what I learned, maybe too well. Plus there's the issue of my self esteem. I have come so far from where I was, but it's never clearer how far I have to go as when someone offers to help me. There is a part of me that feels like I'm not worthy of your time and efforts. I should be doing for you, NOT the other way around. Intellectually I realize this is hypocritical and nonsense, however when you lived most of your life feeling inferior, and insufficient its hard to keep those feelings from creeping back in on a too regular basis.

I NEED to change this self conception I have, not only for me, but for Will as well. He needs to know that women should be treated well, that it's ok to ask for help, and that it's always ok to accept help when offered and/or needed.

I need your help

As most people who know me will realize, I don't ask for help.  Even when I need it.  However, this is not for me.  This blog is about a little boy named Jeffrey.  He is 3 years old and has a very very serious type of leukemia.  He has been struggling with it for 6 months and is very sick.  He is also a VERY brave little boy. 

His mom and dad struggled to have a child, they were blessed with this little boy, now three years later he is fighting for his life.  He doesn't want much, but he loves receiving cards and post cards.  I am asking if anyone would be willing/able to send him a card to make him smile.

This is a picture of Jeffrey before he lost his hair (right before Thanksgiving)  Isn't he cute?

He loves dogs, elephants and giraffes.  They are living at his grandparents house right now, as their house is under construction and he can't be around the dust etc.....

This is the card I made him as well as a giraffe and elephant I had already made.  They are on their way as we speak.  Hoping to make him smile.

I'm not asking people to send gifts, that was my own choice.  But if you could find it in your heart and wallet to send a simple little card or post card, you would make a sick little boy very happy, and me as well.  Thank you and God Bless.

Jeffrey Davis
444 Cape Road
Hollis Maine 04042

Help!

So today I went to my bi-monthly meeting with Will's teacher, social worker and our case manager Jen.  There at the meeting it was brought up again about putting my lovely little boy in Spring Harbor for about 2 months.  My body went numb listening to them all agree that something that drastic was most likely needed.  I know they want the best for my son, I know that every time he has a breakdown there is more internal damage to his psyche, I know that he is getting bigger and stronger and therefore becoming that much harder to manage when out of control.  However, the idea of being away from my son for that long, I know I can visit etc... kills me.  No one can or will love him like I do.  No one can or will lay with him until he falls asleep, do all the idiosyncrasies that I do to help calm him down.  Is this the best choice for him?  Have we gotten to that point?  I have asked Jen to set up a time for her and I to talk more in depth about this idea- pros and cons - and to see if we can set up a tour of the facility and have my questions answered and hopefully my concerns calmed.  I don't know if it is best for him.  I know it isn't best for me.  I have to do what's best for him.  God give me the strength to see what's best for him and to follow through so that my son can have a childhood and be happy.  He deserves that and so much more...............I love him with all my heart.