While I have had a few friends show their love and concern on Facebook, I have felt very isolated and lonely on top of everything else. I keep coming back to a saying I read a while ago:
"One who holds your hand in your problems is a good friend, but the true friend is one who holds your hand more tightly when you tell them to leave you alone."
I have never been good at asking or accepting help. I find when I need it the most I pull away even harder. In my head I know this is crazy, I know I have been blessed with friends who would be there for me. But my heart demands that I protect myself from the disappointment of being let down by not asking.
I have come to realize over the last couple of days that subconsciously I am waiting for my friends to just know what I need and to hold my hand more tightly. In doing this I am setting my friends up to fail me. This in turn feeds the cycle of me not asking for what I need because I have been let down again. None of this is about my friends. They are some amazing people and they deserve the chance to be there for me, as I deserve the chance to be there for them.
This all comes back to me. This is about how I view myself and my worth. That is where I need to focus my time and energy so that I can trust in myself and my friends. The ones that let me down, that will be on them- but its not fair to assume it will happen before giving them the chance.
Do you ever have a hard time trusting in your self worth?
