Sick day revisited

So, here we are close to the end of my day. Will and I have limped along and are almost ready for bed. He had a rough day because neither one of us was at our best. He had a few mini meltdowns, once even sobbing that he felt like he was being a jerk to me.

I found that it was helpful that I felt numb, but I also think it was detrimental. I can't be sure, but I think Will struggled more because of it. At one point mid-meltdown he told me he felt like I wasn't even his real mom. I know he's perceptive, but really? Am I that different? I didn't think so, but now I'm not so sure.

I like not feeling anything, I know it's probably not healthy, and I don't want to feel like this for any real length of time (that's what I keep telling myself) but this is a needed reprieve from the stress and heartache I've been feeling. I'm kind of scared of losing this protection, but if its hurting Will I will do what I need to do, no matter how painful.