School shopping and Meltdowns

I took my son school shopping yesterday. It went very well, I bought the obligatory sweatpants (all he has worn for 3 years +) but I was able to sneak in a pair of jeans and a pair of cargo pants as well. Now we will see if he will wear them when the weather cools off enough. Just the fact I was able to buy them with Will with me is amazing to me, growth is possible people. Trust me, if Will can grow as much as he has I the last 6 months, almost anything is possible.

We also bought sneakers, I was getting frustrated because I couldn't find his size in the store, he became adamant about the style sneaker he wanted (they light up when he walks). I was so pleased that the last pair I spied were in his size. He willingly tried them on and announced they were perfect. He even put them on later that day when he went to play with the neighbor kids. This is huge as sneakers have been a major battle in this house. He loves his crocks and hates tying laces because it is so difficult for him. Every day last year was a battle of wills as he tried to convince me he could wear his crocks to school and I patiently explain that "this year the rule is you have to wear sneakers to school.". This is because he has OT at school and recess. He has tripped wearing crocks and has therefor refused to participate in recess as well as struggled in OT. We found once we implemented this rule he was more successful in OT as well as more active at recess.

We also picked up socks and undertheres as he badly needed both. We got the obligatory school supplies as well, the pencil case, the pencils, markers, crayons, glue sticks notebook and binder. He did so well at the store.

And then we came home......

The melt downs started. None of them lasted overly long, but there were a LOT of them. Everything set him off. Today has been no different. He did get to meet his new teachers last night at the open house and have ice cream. The new teacher in the day treatment room pointed out a third computer which interested Will, but the changes were many. Maybe too many? I don't know, only time will tell.

The start of school is definitely causing much anxiety for Will, and it doesn't help that his sleeping cycle has finally taken a dive. We have been in such a good sleeping pattern for so long I almost thought he had outgrown "the cycle". How foolish am I? I am so excited for the rest of my weekend.

On a completely unrelated note: tomorrow is my court date for my divorce. I'm hoping this is it and I can begin my life as a single woman. Here's hoping?

Back to autism

It's been a little while since I posted about my son and our life with autism, and the progress since Spring Harbor.

Overall I still am thrilled with the change I see in him. There are whole days that go by and I think.... Wow, us this the same child?

Then there are moments like the one I just experienced. It was time for a shower so I prompted Will off the computer to start the showering process. He first ignored me, then was frustrated telling me to stop trying to frustrate him and that he'd do it later, then he threw a full on melt down. Threw both sneakers AT me, and a pad of paper, then he even came after me and started hitting me with his fists.

I have to say I was very proud of myself in that I stayed present, calm, and followed the plan. This means: everything stops till he can re-group and begin his task of taking a shower. I also reminded him to remember his "safe hands and feet", "brain and body in the activity" and "kind and appropriate words".

Of course being in full blown melt down these meant nothing to him. So he proceeded to tell me how he felt like a baby who was being bullied, he was abused, and tortured. (little melodramatic?). I asked him how he could feel like a baby who was bullied when HE was the one doing the bullying? I mean I was sitting on the couch at that point, looking at a painting above the tv and not talking, while he was hitting me and screaming in my face. He did not want to hear this. Was I too harsh? Was I too blunt? I don't know, but he does NOT ever accept and/or see his responsibility in these situations. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault. I don't want him growing up like that. It's a recurring theme and it's an exhausting tightrope walk trying to teach him this concept. I can only pray one day it will come.

Anyway, whether I was too harsh or not, he had his emotional release, sobbing on the floor and even said he was sorry, "I just get too mad sometimes, I get too frustrated"

What a huge step!! Course this was after I told him I looked sad because he was sad AND because he hurt me. (he asked if I looked sad because he was sad) but at least he got it.....sort of.

There are days my heart swells with joy and pride for my beautiful wonderful son, and then I have moments like earlier when I am so emotionally drained from constantly dealing with "The Plan" and behaviors. But when I feel this way it is usually quickly followed by the the amazement of how far he has come. 6 months ago this would have been so much worse, and with his growing strength it was becoming quite a concern.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. SH was amazing and it was a jumping off point, not a cure. There is still a lot of work to do. So I'll breathe, and keep running the plan.