Well, it's been a few days. Sunday was the last great day Will has had. That is not to say he has had a horrible time of things, but he has had several very hard moments at school every day since. The school photocopied some of the notes he wrote. " I feel every bad feeling mixed together. It makes myself feel like I'm going to die."
"I hate everybody especially myself."
This just breaks my heart. That he feels this way and I can't help him. In home support is starting and will hopefully help. Last night while laying in bed, he started picking at himself. This has become quite the habit. He has scars all over his face, his ear is particularly bad. I asked him not to and tried to distract him. He told me it made him feel better, but couldn't articulate why. All he would say is that he hates himself. He makes me want to cry.
Then when he had stopped picking he asked me how old you have to be to get a sex change operation. (his words were "how old do you have to be to have surgery to go from a boy to a girl?" I told him that had to wait till a person was an adult. He said "oh" Then told me that he wanted me to fix his hair like a girl, in ponytails and braids. I reminded him that hair had to be long enough for that and his wasn't there yet. He does know that he is growing his hair out longer so it will just take time.
As you can see, I still think of Will as a he. It gets difficult sometimes, when Will actively acts and addresses himself as a boy, but then sometimes will let you know that Will is Willow, a girl. I'm trying to figure out how to address Will, how to make it right and let him/her know that I love Will for Will, not because Will is a boy or a girl. I can only hope it helps that I support whatever Will wants (as long as it doesn't hurt Will) and that his father will be just as supportive of Wills journey of self discovery.
Life has not been easy for this little kid, and it doesn't look like it will be getting easier anytime soon. Please pray for Will.........and I will continue to breathe.........
Friday, December 9, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Dick's Sporting Goods
Today was the day. Will and I started getting ready to go and claim his winnings. We discussed strategies for when he might start to feel overwhelmed. He decided a stress ball and his DS were all he needed. I was very proud of him.
Before we left I received a phone call from one of my relief staff. She was concerned about when and who was coming in to relieve her. I explained I had found coverage the day before and she would be arriving momentarily. Well, the second staff agreed to work today, thinking she was agreeing to work next Sunday. (She works her other job today) CRAP! Staff that was stuck at work has a small child at home with a babysitter that can't drive and needs to get to work too. Well, I started making calls and texts to figure out what was going on and how I could fix it. Let me first state that I was NOT at work, and therefore not obligated to do anything, but I felt bad, and felt somewhat responsible. While trying to figure it all out I received 2 phone calls and a text from the staff person. I was busy so I didn't answer. ( I was working on helping her, and again, not under an obligation to talk to her using my cell(or home phone) when I don't get reimbursed for texts or phone calls from the company) When I finally was able to text her, she had sent me 4 more texts. Each one more angry than the next. I finally called her, she started yelling at me on the phone, I couldn't get a word in, I finally raised my voice and told her (not sure she heard me over her yelling) I was going to hang up the phone if she wouldn't calm down and listen to me. She didn't stop, I hung up after telling her to call the emergency cell phone. Then had 6 texts after this. She was verbally and textally(sp?) abusive and rude to me. This all happened as I was trying to get out the door and get to Dick's. I still feel horrible for her and her son. I still feel guilty that I couldn't fix it for her, and I still can't let it go. I need to just take a deep breath and let it go. When we got home, I called the emergency cell and explained what had happened, thinking she had called, she hadn't. I now have to go into the office tomorrow and show all the texts between us and explain the whole interaction to the associate director. Now I feel guilty for getting her in trouble and possibly losing her job over this, because I really do understand how angry and panicked she must have felt. I have been stuck at work before when I needed to be somewhere else and it sucks. However, it's the name of the game. When anyone is hired for the company, it is explained that because our jobs are with humans, we may run into mandatory overtime. Everyone hopes it never happens, and hates it when it does, but it's a part of the job. Anyway, I'm sorry.
So, now on to the good part of the day. The store! We walked in, stood in line, signed in, Will was given a shirt and name tag. We were paired up with a staff person, and off we went! I'm pretty sure we walked the store at least 3 times as Will weighed his options. He was definitely more interested in quantity over quality. He didn't want ANYTHING that was very expensive. He just wanted a lot of stuff. His face lit up when he realized he could get whatever he wanted, within reason--we only had $100 to spend. Also, we somehow didn't calculate right and when we got to the register to cash out, we had $124 dollars worth of stuff. Uh-oh-- I figured, Will would have to put the shirt back. But no! They paid for the extra $24!!!! How awesome was that? Will was so intent on what he was doing, he didn't need his stress ball or DS. He was great. He was super excited when he saw free donuts from Dunkin Donuts too. He
had a boston cream, a boy after my own heart......
Once we got home, he lost no time getting that soccer ball out and the cones. He showed me "his skills". He even told me he was "magnificent" really? He is complimenting himself!!!!!! OMG! He never says nice things about himself. He usually gets angry if anyone compliments him, because he doesn't believe it. I love my child!
So, I may have had a rough start to my day, it might have been bothering me all day, but I look at these pictures, and remember the look on his face. Today was an awesome day! Thank you God for blessing me and my son today.
Before we left I received a phone call from one of my relief staff. She was concerned about when and who was coming in to relieve her. I explained I had found coverage the day before and she would be arriving momentarily. Well, the second staff agreed to work today, thinking she was agreeing to work next Sunday. (She works her other job today) CRAP! Staff that was stuck at work has a small child at home with a babysitter that can't drive and needs to get to work too. Well, I started making calls and texts to figure out what was going on and how I could fix it. Let me first state that I was NOT at work, and therefore not obligated to do anything, but I felt bad, and felt somewhat responsible. While trying to figure it all out I received 2 phone calls and a text from the staff person. I was busy so I didn't answer. ( I was working on helping her, and again, not under an obligation to talk to her using my cell(or home phone) when I don't get reimbursed for texts or phone calls from the company) When I finally was able to text her, she had sent me 4 more texts. Each one more angry than the next. I finally called her, she started yelling at me on the phone, I couldn't get a word in, I finally raised my voice and told her (not sure she heard me over her yelling) I was going to hang up the phone if she wouldn't calm down and listen to me. She didn't stop, I hung up after telling her to call the emergency cell phone. Then had 6 texts after this. She was verbally and textally(sp?) abusive and rude to me. This all happened as I was trying to get out the door and get to Dick's. I still feel horrible for her and her son. I still feel guilty that I couldn't fix it for her, and I still can't let it go. I need to just take a deep breath and let it go. When we got home, I called the emergency cell and explained what had happened, thinking she had called, she hadn't. I now have to go into the office tomorrow and show all the texts between us and explain the whole interaction to the associate director. Now I feel guilty for getting her in trouble and possibly losing her job over this, because I really do understand how angry and panicked she must have felt. I have been stuck at work before when I needed to be somewhere else and it sucks. However, it's the name of the game. When anyone is hired for the company, it is explained that because our jobs are with humans, we may run into mandatory overtime. Everyone hopes it never happens, and hates it when it does, but it's a part of the job. Anyway, I'm sorry.
So, now on to the good part of the day. The store! We walked in, stood in line, signed in, Will was given a shirt and name tag. We were paired up with a staff person, and off we went! I'm pretty sure we walked the store at least 3 times as Will weighed his options. He was definitely more interested in quantity over quality. He didn't want ANYTHING that was very expensive. He just wanted a lot of stuff. His face lit up when he realized he could get whatever he wanted, within reason--we only had $100 to spend. Also, we somehow didn't calculate right and when we got to the register to cash out, we had $124 dollars worth of stuff. Uh-oh-- I figured, Will would have to put the shirt back. But no! They paid for the extra $24!!!! How awesome was that? Will was so intent on what he was doing, he didn't need his stress ball or DS. He was great. He was super excited when he saw free donuts from Dunkin Donuts too. He
had a boston cream, a boy after my own heart......
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| Oh goodness, where to start...... |
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| debating the virtues of basketballs, he ended up with a small ball (less expensive) |
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| happy with his bargain ball. |
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| wandering the store... |
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| baseball section |
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| A bat costs how much?????? No thanks! |
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| This is all the loot we brought home. WOW |
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| His mad skills! |
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| Yes, he's magnificent! |
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| Yes, the boy has skills |
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| But he really needs to be wearing sneakers. ;-) |
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| dribbling... |
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| Kick the ball mom! |
Friday, December 2, 2011
I need your help
As most people who know me will realize, I don't ask for help. Even when I need it. However, this is not for me. This blog is about a little boy named Jeffrey. He is 3 years old and has a very very serious type of leukemia. He has been struggling with it for 6 months and is very sick. He is also a VERY brave little boy.
His mom and dad struggled to have a child, they were blessed with this little boy, now three years later he is fighting for his life. He doesn't want much, but he loves receiving cards and post cards. I am asking if anyone would be willing/able to send him a card to make him smile.
He loves dogs, elephants and giraffes. They are living at his grandparents house right now, as their house is under construction and he can't be around the dust etc.....
I'm not asking people to send gifts, that was my own choice. But if you could find it in your heart and wallet to send a simple little card or post card, you would make a sick little boy very happy, and me as well. Thank you and God Bless.
Jeffrey Davis
444 Cape Road
Hollis Maine 04042
His mom and dad struggled to have a child, they were blessed with this little boy, now three years later he is fighting for his life. He doesn't want much, but he loves receiving cards and post cards. I am asking if anyone would be willing/able to send him a card to make him smile.
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| This is a picture of Jeffrey before he lost his hair (right before Thanksgiving) Isn't he cute? |
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| This is the card I made him as well as a giraffe and elephant I had already made. They are on their way as we speak. Hoping to make him smile. |
Jeffrey Davis
444 Cape Road
Hollis Maine 04042
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