Head cold and chest cold

Let's begin with the fact that I hate being sick. I know, I know, don't we all? Let me also say that when I am seriously ill I am a pretty great patient if I do say so myself.

Now I have to tell you that when I have a cold- such as the head AND chest cold I appear to have now- I'm terrible. I want someone to take care of me. I whine like a little baby and don't want to do anything else. I want you to feel bad for me. I want you to offer to get me things. Of course I won't take you up on this, but I want you to offer.

I love Will more than life itself, but when I'm sick, I don't want to even think about expending the energy needed to run his plan and keeping him on track. I'd much rather let him play on the wii or computer to his hearts content. Does this make me a bad parent? Maybe, and I'm sure I'll feel guilty when I'm feeling better. For now, let him play and I'll worry about the consequences in a few days. (if I live that long)

Have I told you yet how miserable I feel? Do you feel sorry for me yet? Will you get me a coffee and tell Henry I said hi? Yeah, that's ok. It would probably freak him out if you did. Seriously though, I like iced coffee- cream and sugar. ;)

Feeling under the weather

When I told Jason my clients were not coming home till this afternoon, I gave him the option of coming and getting Will at his normal time he opted to come later. He then decided he wouldn't come until 12:30. I was told to email him if the time needed to change as he would be with his girlfriend.

I woke feeling pretty crappy. My chest hurt and I have a cough. My head hurts- headache, sinuses, and my eyes are so itchy and watery (to the point that my right tear duct was so inflamed it was taking up almost 1/2 my eye- not the most attractive look).

Now anyone who knows me, knows that I love spending time with Will. I am so jealous of the time we have together, I have been known to pass up MANY opportunities for myself. It really says a lot when I send an email saying Jason needs to come over at 10:30.

Jason didn't get the message in time to get there for 10:30, but he did get to the house for 11. This meant I could go to DD for a coffee and go my clients house and sleep for a little. What a wonderful Easter present to myself. I love Will, I love spending time with him, but I feel a little miserable and resting is what I need. NOT running the plan.

The best part? My client came home and she let me continue to rest, as she's so capable of doing her stuff on her own. Sometimes I really LOVE my job! How many other people can say that they can go to work and lay down during the day?

Happy Easter to myself and all.

Tingles

Wow. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. I am daydreaming half the time when not forced to concentrate on Will or work.

Nothing has happened, all I've done is flirt when I go in for coffee. (Although I've bought a LOT more coffee than I normally would). I have not "put myself out there" as far as dating. Partly because I didn't feel it was right as I'm still married, even if it's only on paper. But I think the most important reason was I deserved to take the time to process everything that was going on with the separation, my son, my parents, my work. I also deserved to take the time to find me. I've been the model staff, daughter, sister, mother, wife and friend for so long I had lost Emily. If I was ever questioning the validity of that, I had an amazing friend to let me know I was not the same person I had been.

Now, I don't mean that she expected me to be the exact person I was in high school and college, but that I had lost such a big part of what made me me over the years.

I have spent the last 2 years sad, angry, lonely, happy, scared, tired, depressed and terrified.

I have also worked hard to find my own way. I have learned that it's ok to not have the answers, it's ok to be scared and any and all feelings. But the most important thing I've learned so far is that I'm enough, I am ok, I WILL be ok. I can be a mom, daughter, sister, staff, friend, and still be ME.

I feel like I am finally read to "put myself out there". If I find someone great! If I don't, that's ok too. I've learned I can be by myself and there's a kind of freedom and ease knowing I can be happy without someone else.

I have to say, I'm enjoying these "tingly" feelings. I feel ready to be out there. It's scary, but exciting.

I've taken the time I needed for myself. I don't feel like I NEED anyone, but I'd like to have someone. I am not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm open to one developing.

I am right where I should be. I am blessed. (Let's hope he asks me out or I get the courage to ask him out? It's been almost 18 years since I've had a date. I wonder what's changed, what's proper etiquette?)

Wish me luck!! I like the tinglies!

Long night

After going to bed at 2 in the morning and tossing and turning till 6:45. I gave up the fight and I'm actually awake for the day. I really NEED coffee right now, but seeing as 3hrs have gone by and I refuse to get out of bed, it may have to wait.

Our amazing case manager just called me. We agreed that Wills hard night at SH is a good thing. (even though it breaks my heart.) it means that he's not giving them a honeymoon period and they can see what's going on all the more quickly and start helping him.

That's good right? Thinking I need to get out of bed and get dressed so I can drink some coffee before seeing him for lunch. {They won't let you bring ANYTHING in the hospital. You have to lock up everything, even your keys --but they let you bring the locker key with you? How does that work and/or make sense?}