A down kind of day

It's been one of those days where everything kind of hits you at once. My ex's grandmother recently passed away, then because my ex "forgot" to tell me or warn Will that the visiting hours was an open casket viewing my son Will is now traumatized (have I mentioned he's only 9?) and has been acting out all week. Two of my closest friends are struggling, one lost her father and the other got devastating news about his own health. My ex is kind of being a jerk in some aspects of our interactions. I'm trying to cut him some slack since he's dealing with the death of his grandmother, but it still doesn't feel good.

Having my personality is very difficult when people I care about are in pain, scared etc. I want to fix it and help them feel better. Especially when it comes to my son. He's been having incontinence problems either real or behavioral- haven't figured that one out yet. He had another accident at school today, I brought a change of clothes for him and as soon as I opened the door at school I could hear him screaming and crying. My heart was broken. Emotionally I want desperately to fix everything for him. Why can't I do this? I'm his MOTHER! It's my job!

I know, I know, it's irrational. But the heart wants what the heart wants. Intellectually I know it's unreasonable and I'm sure I'll feel better by tomorrow, but today I want a hug.

So, for today I will accept these feelings and sit with them, I will take a few deep breaths, a little meditation, and then I will release my unreasonable super hero expectations of myself and move forward on my path tomorrow. A little wiser, and a little more centered, and I hope a LoT more patient with myself. All I can be is me, and quite frankly, that's enough.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I have a wonderful life. God bless, and remember to breathe.