Back to autism

It's been a little while since I posted about my son and our life with autism, and the progress since Spring Harbor.

Overall I still am thrilled with the change I see in him. There are whole days that go by and I think.... Wow, us this the same child?

Then there are moments like the one I just experienced. It was time for a shower so I prompted Will off the computer to start the showering process. He first ignored me, then was frustrated telling me to stop trying to frustrate him and that he'd do it later, then he threw a full on melt down. Threw both sneakers AT me, and a pad of paper, then he even came after me and started hitting me with his fists.

I have to say I was very proud of myself in that I stayed present, calm, and followed the plan. This means: everything stops till he can re-group and begin his task of taking a shower. I also reminded him to remember his "safe hands and feet", "brain and body in the activity" and "kind and appropriate words".

Of course being in full blown melt down these meant nothing to him. So he proceeded to tell me how he felt like a baby who was being bullied, he was abused, and tortured. (little melodramatic?). I asked him how he could feel like a baby who was bullied when HE was the one doing the bullying? I mean I was sitting on the couch at that point, looking at a painting above the tv and not talking, while he was hitting me and screaming in my face. He did not want to hear this. Was I too harsh? Was I too blunt? I don't know, but he does NOT ever accept and/or see his responsibility in these situations. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault. I don't want him growing up like that. It's a recurring theme and it's an exhausting tightrope walk trying to teach him this concept. I can only pray one day it will come.

Anyway, whether I was too harsh or not, he had his emotional release, sobbing on the floor and even said he was sorry, "I just get too mad sometimes, I get too frustrated"

What a huge step!! Course this was after I told him I looked sad because he was sad AND because he hurt me. (he asked if I looked sad because he was sad) but at least he got it.....sort of.

There are days my heart swells with joy and pride for my beautiful wonderful son, and then I have moments like earlier when I am so emotionally drained from constantly dealing with "The Plan" and behaviors. But when I feel this way it is usually quickly followed by the the amazement of how far he has come. 6 months ago this would have been so much worse, and with his growing strength it was becoming quite a concern.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. SH was amazing and it was a jumping off point, not a cure. There is still a lot of work to do. So I'll breathe, and keep running the plan.