Will is a challenge

After another bad night, I had lunch with Will, had a 2 o'clock meeting at Spring Harbor and a nice visit after.

I now get to "shadow" when I'm there. This means that I can wear a special badge and follow Will and his staff around and go all over the hospital with them observing his treatment plan being implemented.

I've been home for a few hours and have just received yet another call from SH. Will has been in 4 restraints in 3 hours. He is talking about robots being in the room with him, he's afraid of ten, he's worried about tomorrow and he would calm only to escalate a few minutes later.

The nurse reiterated to me that they can't figure him out. He is a challenge, a puzzle and a complicated little boy.

I feel panicky when I get these calls. Even though he is now asleep, I am wound up tighter than a spring and don't think I'll be sleeping any time soon for yet another night in a row.

I want him to feel better, but instead he's staying the same or is more dis regulated than before. I realize it has only been a week, but where is his miracle? I know, I know, it's SH. That's his miracle. I just want another one: him happy, less anxious, less aggressive, and home with me asleep in his own bed. And I want it NOW!!!

Really, is that too much to ask? Oh, and some sleep for me, a new car, and oil to heat my house. That's not asking a lot, right?

One more thing.........I want a hug.