I hate bullying

My son came home from school yesterday and told me he had a good day. Then I got a call from the principal who told me that another child was bothering Will. When he asked the child to leave him alone (the child didn't stop) and then got up to leave himself, the other child kicked Will hard in the groin.

Now I'm so proud of Will for how he dealt with the situation. The principal was proud of his response and how he dealt with the pain as well. But my heart just breaks for my son who has to work so hard just to get through the day, and has to deal with mean children that not only verbally- but now physically attack him. The fact that he kept his cool yesterday shows how far he's come in the last year.

I'm really tired of Will being targeted at his school. It makes me so sad that there is so much bullying in schools. I was wondering last night about bullying. When I was a child I don't ever remember being talking to about bullying. Is that because it didn't happen back then, at least to the degree that it happens now? Or is it that people just assumed that it was just "kids being kids" back then?

Dating is hard

Ok, so dating itself isn't hard, it's just finding the time that's hard. The reason it is so hard is because my ex and I have made an agreement that when we start seeing someone, we won't introduce our significant other to Will for 6 months. While I'm sure this is frustrating for my ex (not anymore because he has been with the same woman for 8+ months) it is much more so for me.

The reason I say this is because my ex had 4 days a week every week in which to be with someone, getting to know her and developing a relationship. This is not the case for me. I have 3 days (the days the ex watches Will) in which I work 12+ hour days and have no time or energy to date. The other 4 days I have Will. So my only real time to spend with a guy are Wednesday and Thursday 9a-3p. I also have at most 2 Fridays a month in which my parents can take Will for a sleep over.

Are you getting the picture? It's pretty tough..... This hadn't been an issue in the past, in fact I spent 2 years convinced I would never be with another guy ever. Partly because of my schedule, largely in part because of my marriage and the scars it left, but also because (if I'm being totally, brutally honest....) I didn't think anyone would want to date me. I'm not saying that for sympathy, it's just a statement of fact. It doesn't mean that I don't think I'm worth loving, I know I am. I know I'm a good person.

However, I have met someone. Who knows where it will go, it's still very new. I find myself thinking about him throughout the day, sending silly emails throughout the day and looking forward to talking to him at night. I do wish we could spend more time together, but if we can make it through this 6 month period......well, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. One day at a time......and I'm enjoying my days, and my nights.....

Good news

I got the call a couple days ago that I do NOT have the JC virus. This means that I can start on the Tysabri infusion treatment. I got the paperwork/release form to sign in the mail today. Everything is signed, I just need to drop it off at my neurologists office on Monday and I will hopefully start treatment within a month or two.

All this means is that hopefully my MS will be stopped in its tracks. I should (according to my dr) have no more flare ups. This does not mean everything disappears, I will still have the silent symptoms to deal with, but I'm becoming quite a pro at dealing with those.

All in all, really good news for me. I am very grateful......

My grandmother

Yesterday was my grandmothers birthday. She was my everything growing up. She taught me how important family is, how to love, and how to laugh. She died 7&1/2 years ago and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss her.

We had a lot of silly and weird family traditions, such as on sleepovers she would set and throw mousetraps at our feet. Then we would reset and throw them at her (all at bedtime when e should be quieting down). Then there were the eggs and grapes she would randomly throw at us yelling "Think quick!". Or slap us with a piece of cheese. Yes, really, you can't make this stuff up! Then there were the silly songs, the hot fudge sundaes for supper, pretending to sleep when people would come to visit. Hiding any treats (such as the sundaes) in the bathtub so visitors didn't know what we were up to. Swimming in the pool- she always floated around on a tractor tire tube while we swam even though she couldn't swim and was terrified of the water. Helping her in the garden, and just sitting quietly or trying to make her laugh. Although my favorite was the applesauce drop.

What is the applesauce drop you ask? We would sit at the kitchen table, turn in our seat so we could lay our head in grams lap, she would put a towel around our neck, take a spoonful of applesauce and drop it into our mouths from a foot or more above our faces. Now, most of the time it landed in our eyes, up our noses, and anywhere but in our mouth. She would do this until we were breathless with laughter. (now, at the time we thought she just had terrible aim, but turns out she did it on purpose because it was just funnier getting it up our noses).

Well, I had to work all day yesterday, and doing any of those things would most likely get me written up or fired. So today is dedicated to gram. I have the mousetraps out, I am singing silly songs throughout the day, and Will and I are having hot fudge sundaes for supper.

School update

Will has had two very successful weeks at school. He has done so much better than I could have hoped. He has spent the majority of his time in his mainstream classroom. This is amazing considering he hasn't set foot in a mainstream classroom for over 2 years.

He is still doing ok, but I do know that he is struggling this week (pretty typical for him). He has been talking about hating himself again. We are not getting his notes from school so I am not entirely sure what is going on as far as how much time mainstreaming he is capable of doing this week.

My schedule was changed on Monday to cover a call out. Because of this, I was able to be home early enough to spend time with Will. There were lots of giggles and smiles. Made my night.
When it was time for bed, we did our bedtime routine: read for 20 minutes then Will shared his 3 happy thoughts.

1. I love you
2. I'm so tired that I should get some really good zzzz's
3. I got to meet Tony today (Tony is a new staff)

Then he immediately went into his bad thoughts. (he's never done this before). He shared that he hates himself and he had a hard time at school that day. This talk breaks my heart. After he shared this with me I made him tell me his happy thoughts again. I told him we were going to go to bed with happy thoughts so we would have happy dreams. His mood quickly turned around when I asked him what his first happy thought was and he told me he loved granny. I acted all upset and he kept repeating he loved granny. He got giggling and went to sleep in a happy mood. Mission accomplished. However he is still struggling at school (again, they aren't sending the notes home so we don't have the full picture, but they did write that he has been doing a lot of negative self talk this week and they are working on strategies for positive self thinking) and I'm hoping he can turn it around and use some coping strategies.

New staff

I have staff that come in and work with my son Will. He have had other staff in the past, some who were great, and some....well...not so much. We have services through section 65, and specialized 28 (which finally started this week- supposed to be in place last March). 65 is the behavioral piece, they work with Will on his behavioral needs. They are a short term service, and as wonderful as they have been, their 6 months will be up at the end of this month.

Specialized 28 is more all encompassing. They work with Will on behavioral AND life skills. In fact, a wonderful lady is here right now working on learning to make his bed. When he first learned he would have to do this he got very upset and started saying he sucks at making the bed, and that he is stupid. It breaks my heart hearing him talk like this. But he IS up there doing it and it makes me so happy. (Not only that he is learning life skills- but that I don't have to make his bed anymore!). I want this staff to move in with us. I LOVE her, and this is only her 3rd day, 2nd with me. We have 16 hours a week with this service, and the great thing about them is that they are long term. So as long as Will has needs in behavior and/or life skills they will continue to work with him. Potentially till he turns 21.

Well, they seem to be finished with the bed, I even heard him giggling while doing it- so I guess he can't suck THAT bad! Now they are off to the library for a quick trip to earn even more tokens do he can have plenty of earned time a little later this afternoon.

Thoughtful

Will came up to me this morning before school. He said he's been thinking..... This is what I saw. When I asked him to smile he said he was "deep in thought" and that was a serious matter. I'm so in trouble! Well, have a wonderful day everyone and don't think too hard!

Back in the dating world. Yikes!

So here we are, I've been alone for over 2 years now, I did kind of, sort of date one guy a few months ago, but that was just.....I don't even know how to categorize it honestly. I have recently put myself out there by joining eharmony. This is something I have always said I would never do. It just seems unnatural in some way. However I've been pleasantly surprised. I've met a couple of nice guys.

After about a week I was starting to feel very uncomfortable, hadn't really gotten any responses. Then I realized that that was fine. Why is that fine you ask? Because I'm not looking to have a serious relationship with 20-30 guys. I'm ultimately looking for that one special guy to spend the rest of my life with and to be my best friend.

How strange to look forward to getting an email from a special guy as we get to know each other, but that's exactly what is happening. I find myself checking my phone several times a day just so I don't miss one and can respond quickly. Is it strange that I get that "tingly" feeling when I haven't even met someone yet?

Oh well, it is what it is. I'm just taking it one day at a time, one email, and maybe soon one phone call at a time.... I may be looking for my best friend, but I have no expectations as to when that will happen. Has it already? Will it soon? I don't know, but I'm enjoying this journey and where ever it takes me is where I'm meant to be.

I hope you find the pleasure in your journey. Have a wonderful day everyone.

I strongly dislike waiting

I have never been the most patient person. Those of you who know me will not be shocked by this declaration. I went to the doctors today for a blood draw. This does not bother me as I've never been bothered with needles.(unless I'm doing the sticking! Backwards I know)

The reason for the blood draw is because at my neurologist office last Friday I was told my MS, while not super active, is active enough that he wants me on treatment again. The best option would be a drug called Tysabri. This is a once a month infusion. So why not just start it? Well, I have to be tested for the JC virus. This is usually a harmless virus which "hangs out" in the body (my dr said around the kidneys) and doesn't do anything. About 50% of all Americans have the JC virus. The issue is that a small amount of people who have the JC virus and go on Tysabri have a problem. The problem is that Tysabri can potentially activate the virus, sending it to the brain and causing life threatening problems including death. So, now I have to wait 10 days for the results. If I do not have the virus, I will start the treatment and consider the 1&1/2 hours at the infusion center as "me time" every month. If I do have the virus then I will need to go in and talk with my neurologist again and try to weigh the pros and cons of taking the medication. So this is my waiting game for the moment and I'm not very patient. Ten days will fly by right? Besides, do I really want the results? Yes, one way or another, I need to get those results and make a decision which could alter the course of my MS and health for the rest of my life. Waiting.....waiting......waiting.....

I hate bullying

Yesterday Will came home from school so proud of himself. He had earned a "student star" for ignoring a couple of other children who were trying to bully him.

I'm so proud of him too. At the end of the last school year I kept getting notes from school talking about how the teachers kept talking to Will about tattling. The second to last day I found out that a couple of the kids we giving him a hard time and when Will would say something to the teachers HE would get in trouble for tattling. Really? Are you freaking kidding me? No wonder I hadn't been able to get a straight answer from the teachers!

When summer school started Will told me a few days into it that he was having the same problem-- low and behold I look at the daily notes and my son is in trouble for tattling. AGAIN. So I went into the school the next day and tracked down the social worker (she's new as of summer school. I had met her before when she was an intern a few years ago with the social worker I've worked with since kindergarten.) and told her what had been going on and how Will's dad and I had taught him to go to the teacher when he was being bothered and unable to handle the situation appropriately himself. I explained how confusing it must be for a child who already has significant deficits in social skills to be given such mixed messages. His parents are telling him how to handle a difficult situation and then his teachers are making him feel and telling him he is wrong for doing the right thing?

I have to say that the bullying appears to have started when Will came back from Spring Harbor. He learned such great skills while there. One of which is his new ability to see behaviors in others and know that he doesn't want to be around said behaviors and appropriately ask to not be around those behaviors.

Because he didn't want to be around a friend when the friend was struggling with difficult behaviors ( I believe because Will didn't want to be triggered into behaviors of his own. Does that even make sense?) and asked to move seats. He even told that child he was still his friend, he just needed a little space. This is when things started to change and several of the other kids started be mean to Will.

I must say, as a mom I want to go into that school and slap these kids, then yell at their parents for raising bullies. This of course is the overprotective side of being a mom of an ASD kid, or any kid I assume. The rest of me realizes that all the kids in that classroom are there for a reason. They all have their struggles and are doing the best they can and learning on their own timetable. Their parents are also doing the best they can I am sure. I have met most of the parents and they all seem to be very nice people and working really hard to do everything they can for their kids. But sometimes........

So, I woke this morning to find an email from Will's new teacher (another change I wasn't thrilled with but may just be one of the best changes so far- see? I can accept change...) telling me about how a couple of the other kids have been bullying Will both days of school and how Will is doing a fantastic job ignoring and earning stats for such good ignoring. It was also great to hear they have implemented a bullying program (anti bullying program?) in the classroom and they have been working every day to teach these kiddos why it is wrong to bully and how to deal with their differences. I am super impressed and hop this is a sign of a great last year in elementary school.

First day of school

Today is the first day of fifth grade. I'm so excited for Will, and so very nervous too. I believe I've already talked about all the changes in his classroom. (he is in a contained classroom with the other children who struggle). There is a new head teacher in the room, all but one of the Ed techs in the room are different. There is a new social worker, the room is set up differently, the board for the "level system" which has been so very successful the last 2 years is gone. And last Friday I got the bus schedule. Will has been put back on the regular bus in the morning. (he has been on the small "special Ed" bus for the kiddos in his classroom for the last 2 years because the noise etc on the regular bus was way too much for him.) Don't get me wrong, this schedule works best for me, I'm just not so sure about Will, and it would have been nice if they had discussed this change before they implemented it. The communication from the school has been sorely lacking since the end of last year. Making me worry and giving me a sense of deja vu. (the first 3 years at this school was a battle, the school not doing what they should and lying, covering up and down playing. Sound familiar to all you parents of special needs? Just hoping they are not regressing!)

Will woke up VERY early again this morning. While getting ready this morning he put on his shorts backwards. Unfortunately they were jean shorts so I made him change because it was so noticeable. This started a mini meltdown. We regrouped fairly quickly and moved on.

It didn't help that when we first came downstairs and checked on the rescued bird it was alive and well, but an hour later had died. Will was not happy. He handled it better than I thought which was good, but we shall see if it affects his day. Although there are so many triggers today who really knows what might be the cause of a difficult day. Hopefully it is a wonderful day though.....

So it begins again....school starts and I start jumping when the phone rings because I expect it's the school telling me about the struggle of the moment. Or that he's so out of control I have to come pick him up. Now, I haven't had more than one call since he came home from Spring Harbor last march. I'm also terrified to look in "the notebook". Which will outline every struggle, but also highlights every achievement.

So, we will see how today goes and we will hope for the best. Good luck Will. Study hard, you'll need to if you want to be a veterinarian. I love you and I'm so proud!

What a sweet boy. I think

So I came home from working 12 hours today to find a box on my back porch. Guess what was in it? A bird. Yes a real live bird. My son was outside, or looking out the window (I'm not really sure and does it really matter anyway?) and saw our neighbors cat Bandit attacking an injured bird. So my son ran out and scooped up this wild bird. Where was his dad when this was happening? I mean really!

So now I have to call Sparks Ark (a rehabilitation center) in the morning and hope they will take the bird. Unfortunately the bird cannot fly. I hope it lives through the night, partly because I would Make me sad, but also because it would break Wills heart to have saved the bird only for it to die. He was so proud of himself for being brave and fighting off the cat. He even proudly showed off a bruise he says the cat gave him. He was also proud of the way he handled being pecked by the scared bird.

Will really is so very sweet and caring. I am so proud of him and how far he's come in the last 6 months. I guess his dad had a heck of a time convincing him that the WILD bird could not stay in his bedroom and CANNOT be kept as a pet. Yikes!

Sparks Ark...... I hope you can help!

School starts soon

School starts for Will in three days. Today is my last day with him until I see him off to school Tuesday morning. Tomorrow I will drop him off at his dads. I hope they have some fun plans over the next 2 days.

Today I took Will to one of his new favorite places. Spring Point lighthouse. Not only was I happy because it made Will happy, but also because it is the first time I have felt well enough to be out and about, walking and enjoying the outdoors.

Today is also the first day we haven't had a meltdown since we went school shopping on wednesday morning. I'm hoping that the physical activity and being out doing something he enjoys helped with that.

One problem we've been having for a while is his sleeping cycle. He is a couple of weeks in to waking up between 1-3am for the day. He does sometimes fall back asleep after an hour or so, but either way he's not getting the sleep he needs and it's showing, from his mood swings to the dark circles under his eyes. I have to admit this is not a fun part of the sleep pattern.

Its been a wonderful day today. Tomorrow it's back to work a 12&1/2 hour day. At least I like my ladies. That makes it worth while.

On a side note: the update is the divorce is unfortunately not finalized. My hopefully-soon-to-be-ex finally agreed on the final 2 points we had to settle. Unfortunately it wasn't until 1&1/2 hours before we went before the judge. So the final settlement was NOT written up in time, and the judge wasn't happy that a few of the finer points of the house part of the settlement wasn't clearer. So, my lawyer will draft up the final settlement and my ex and I will review it and hopefully be able to agree with it. Then we will go back to court. They are scheduling the final court appearance for one month, but if we can agree and have it finalized before hand we can do a walk in and be done sooner. That way I can finally close this chapter on my life and start a new one.

Pictures are in the following order

1. Will walking to the lighthouse
2.school clothes. Note the jeans-can't tell you how excited I am about them.
3. Lighthouse
4. Will looking at the ocean
5. School supplies. The hippo is actually the pencil case he picked out.

I hope you had a beautiful day.