William

I have spent A LOT of time thinking, worrying, praying over my son.  Wishing I could make it right for him.  Make his journey a little easier.  Fix all his problems, and feeling incredibly guilty that I can't.  I mean, I'm his mom, I should be fixing this stuff.  

I know, I know, this is very unrealistic of me.  No one has the power to do what I feel I should except God, and He has his reasons for everything he does.  I know in my head that I am doing all I can, and I'm doing enough, I really do.  The problem is my heart just won't acknowledge this information.  My heart refuses to accept that I am not a super hero with the ability to make everything right.

I don't know if my heart will ever catch up to my brain, or if this is really just a "mom thing".  Are we mothers destined to always feel like a failure with our children?  Or am I just overly hard on myself as an individual?  I really don't know the answer to this question, and doubt I ever will.

Anyway, As I've been pondering and worrying, I had my mother fill out a form to nominate Will for a $100 gift card to DICK'S SPORTING GOODS.  I had mom do this because she is the most eloquent person I know with the written word.  I am not a writer, no mater how much I pretend to be on my blog. But then again, I am a work in progress, so I guess I am a writer in progress too?  Ha!

I received a phone call from my mom today telling me that she got a phone call about the gift card.  They want Will at the store Sunday at 10am.  I don't know if he won, but I think it's a good guess!  I got the morning off from work to take him.  Yeah!  Like I'd miss that opportunity!  Tomorrow I am going to meet a new person who will be working with Will every week in the home.  This will be on things like tying his shoes, safety and appropriateness in the community, and other life skills.  Yeah!  We have been without anyone for 2 months!  So excited!

So, not only are we getting section 28 (the in home support mentioned above) and most likely a gift card for Will, all this is more than I ever hoped for for Will, but I received a call saying that he has been picked up for section 65 again!  This means we will have behavioral supports in the home!  I meet with the woman Thursday.  What a week.  This unfortunately does not mean anything will change as far as Spring Harbor, but it does mean that we have more help and support until this happens, and hopefully when he comes home as well.

I am so full of gratitude today I could just burst!  May not seem like too much to most people, but all these things are huge to me.  I started out the week very depressed thinking I could not afford to get Will Christmas presents, and stressed and guilty over this.  I still can't afford Christmas presents, but so what?  We will have the support he needs to get through this very stressful time.  I will be there with all the love I can give, and it will be a great Christmas anyway.  I am truly blessed this holiday season.