Slept

I slept OK-ish last night, haven't been sleeping well for a while and with all this stuff with my anxiety and depression and then this decision about Will, it's been worse.  I got up in time to be dressed for Will to be dropped off after his overnight with his dad.  I got him off to school, then I laid down on the couch and rested/slept the day away until I had to get up for work at 2pm.
Is this bone-crushing fatigue I'm feeling from my MS?  Depression?  Total exhaustion? or a combination of any/all of them?  I don't know, probably a combination, just my luck.
I know that in some ways it feels like the decision about Will is already made.  We've done everything we can think of to keep him out of Spring Harbor and it's only scratching at the surface and dealing with the behaviors without teasing out the root cause/s.  So that means going there and having 24 hour care to help figure this out.  But every time I think about it, I start hyperventilating, I feel numb and tingly, and my vision blurs (and that's before I start crying, so I can't blame it on the tears).  Here's my problem, I don't trust anyone but me to truly take care of my son.  I know, I'm a bit of a control freak.  I have trust issues.  OK, I'm just plain messed up.  They don't love him, he's a job to them.  Let's be honest, it's a job.  Are they going to lay with him till he falls asleep?  Will they let him rub their fingernails as a way to self-soothe?  I doubt it.  And what if after the 50 days they don't have any answers?  Will they keep him longer?  How much longer?  Or even worse, what if they don't find the answers and then send him home and he went through that traumatizing experience for nothing?  How do I begin to get over that guilt?  I know, I know, I'm getting so far ahead of myself I can't even remember where I am.  But there it is.  I'm so afraid to have to put him in someone else s care and not have any control over what's being done to/for him.  Or who's working with him.  Is it someone who hates their job?  Only there for a paycheck? Burnt out and taking it out on the children?  Or will he get someone who genuinely cares for him and his well being?  I don't know, am I willing to take that risk?  I think I have to.  Then there's the question of how will I survive 50+ days without waking to see his beautiful face in the morning?  How will I go to bed without a smile, a hug, a giggle to get me through the lonely nights?
God, please give me the strength to do what is right for Will............please?