Oprah

Yes, I watch Oprah's lifeclass.  I haven't been able to keep up, I just finished the first week and started the second week today.  I'm behind because I work when she is on, and can't find enough time in the day to watch them every day.  Anyway, For the most part, what Oprah is talking about I feel is right on and touches a place deep inside of me.  I need to let go of my EGO.  I am being as authentic as I can be in this moment of my life, I am trying to believe in myself, think and be the person I want to be/know I am.  Not all of this is perfect.  This blog is part of my journey.
As much as it may seem, I am not trying to just complain about my life, I am a person who needs to talk things through, to process.  Sometimes I need to talk about it once, but more often it's several times before I can really understand what is happening and hope to find the "life lessons" in these moments of my life.  I found it interesting that while watching one of the shows this morning Oprah talked about everything- even the things you don't like- are teaching moments.  Well, I'm having a doozey of one today.
My boss has assigned the scheduling of 4 houses to me.  However, she is constantly going behind me to change things to her liking.  Am I doing it or not?  I follow her rules.  I call relief staff first, then regular staff from our own houses, then regular staff from other houses in the agency.  So why does it seem that I always get it wrong from her point of view?  Why when there is a snaffoo that other staff caused by changing their schedules for their convenience and telling me about it after the fact- and not getting confirmation it was happening.  I know that there was more I could have done to make it run smoother today, I'm human and make mistakes like everyone else.  Why does my manager have to call and yell at me like she does?  I may make mistakes, but so does she, when I pointed out a contradiction she stated while yelling at me and then stuck to my guns she quickly said "I have to hang up before I go mental" (or something to that affect) and hung up on me.  Why do I allow myself to be treated that way?  Am I allowing it?  What is the teachable moment?  That I need to start standing p for myself more?  Have more self worth?  How, in this economy do I dare to stand up to her?  What if I'm fired?  Is the lesson that: as much as I need this job and the money I make from it, it's not worth my self esteem faltering as it has a habit of doing?  Is it that I need to be able to maintain my self esteem and self worth in the midst of a manager who is borderline abusive at times? (Honestly, most of the time I really enjoy working for her and when she gets "bitchy" I can usually shrug it off- today was just particularly aggressive.)  I don't know, but it's thought to ponder.........