Anxiety

So I've been feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest, I feel all jittery without any energy (no fair) and all panicky, like I feel when I know I've screwed up and I'm about to have a confrontation about it.  I called a friend since I can't afford a Dr without a real reason ( and then not even then really these days).  She told me not to worry, it's probably just a panic attack.  Great, this has lasted all week.  Seriously it was just over a week when this started.  I've tried to slow my heart but guess what?  I just took my pulse tonight (apical, with a stethoscope to make sure it was accurate) it was only 74.  There's no way my heart is racing, so why does it feel like it is?  Like the other shoe is about to drop and it will be bad, really bad?  I don't know.  But maybe it has something to do with the creditors calling several times a day, my husband not being my ex yet and even though he doesn't live here he treats the house like he still does?  [I mean this morning he got here 25 minutes early.  I was eating breakfast and as soon as I heard him walk in, I had a hard time eating.  The stoma from the lap-band is small, and it gets smaller when I'm under a lot of stress.  No wonder food has been difficult for me.  Unfortunately, ice cream still goes down easy. ]  Or could it have anything to do with the fact that my son tells me on an almost daily basis that he's sad, depressed, or feels like he wants to die?  I don't know, maybe it's just stress over my Halloween costume I can't afford to buy now.......
I need to meditate, I know I do, I need to de-stress, I need to clear myself.  I can't seem to get myself to focus enough to let it all go enough to do this though.  I can still smile, that's something right?  Most days I can count my blessing, at least some of them. 1. I have a roof over my head. 2. I have a family that loves me.  3. I have my son.  4. I have a job I like mostly.  I know there are more, I'm just to tired and panicky to think of them right now.  IF I can do that, things can't be too bad right?  It will get better.  IT WILL.

I mean hey, I found 2 heart rocks today on my walk.  That has to be a sign that things will be fine.

right?