The other issue is his retirement fund. Originally he decided that since I never put money into it it wasn't marital property. It was explained to him that it is. He was then willing to split it up until feb 10th 2010 the day he said he wanted a divorce. My lawyer explained that the judge will almost ALWAYS split it up to the day the divorce is final. I asked him if he would consider up to July 1st (the day he moved out) he said NO. So, I said I would consider that. Otherwise we were able to agree to terms on everything else. Sigh, and so it continues......
Now on to other things.... Will has been struggling the last 2 nights at shower/bath time. He ignores my prompts to take a shower several times until I become frustrated and then he screams at me that I'm treating him like crap (his word, not mine) and being a horrible parent. Tonight it didn't end as quickly- throughout the bath he kept up trying to get me to fight. Did I take the bait? A few times. I'm not proud of it, but I'm human and the last 3 weeks have been particularly rough on me. So yeah, I took the bait. He repeatedly told me he was going to leave in the morning to walk the streets looking for another family to adopt him. Also saying that he was not the right kid for me. Now, I was irritated enough to find this making me frustrated, furious, tired and irritable. However, there was enough rational thinking to find this also amusing at the same time. It finally ended up in his bedroom, having lost his computer privileges for tomorrow and almost losing the use of my old iPhone.
He apologized, said he DID love me, but thought that he still wasn't the right kid for me, and that he really did just want to die. Well, I'm exhausted enough that I broke down crying right there in front of him. He became very upset I was hurt and tried to reassure me that it was ok for him to feel that way, it didn't mean he would actually die. Then told me he would do anything for me I needed, while rubbing my arm trying to comfort me (sweet really, and shows the tremendous growth he has had) so I told him I needed him to want to live. He gave me a kiss and laid down to sleep telling me he loved me one more time.
No parent EVER wants to hear things like this from their child. To want to die at that age, strikes terror in my heart. I would do anything for this amazing little boy, but I don't know how to ix this and make it better for him. So once again, I am going to do my best to Let go and Let GOD. Feel free to pray for him (and me) as we can use everything we can get right now.
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