The year started with Will in crisis, filling out paperwork and then waiting for the call from Spring Harbor (children's psychiatric hospital). The call came, none too soon, and we prepared for Will to go stay at the hospital....he was so excited to go to the hospital to stay so they would help him not hurt so much all the time. So as you can see, it was MUCH harder on me than it was for Will. February 2 was the day, his dad met me at the hospital to do the admitting paperwork/meeting. We went on a short tour showing us the ward Will would be staying, found out when we could visit etc.... Gave Will hugs and kisses and left with a broken heart. I was there visiting everyday, (except Sundays as I work all day every Sunday and his dad was there on those days) on days I had to work, I would go and have lunch with Will in the cafeteria. This was the longest six weeks of my life, but Will was thriving... I ran out of oil and spent almost a week with no heat in my house but I consoled myself that at least Will was warm at SH.
Will returned home mid March so much happier than he went into the hospital. We had services for him in the home and his classmates were happy he was back. Will had learned how to stand up for himself a little better at school, and he knew what types of behaviors he was willing to be around and what didn't serve him. This caused problems at school, his best friend still struggles and didn't like that Will didn't always choose to be around him when he was struggling. So he and another child started to bully and give Will a hard time at school.
I served my husband with divorce papers late March, which made him angry and wondering what other unpleasant surprises I had for him. (He had left me over 2 years before for a 24 year old girl, was in and out of relationships with younger women, and was finally in a relationship with an adult woman for 2-3 months- so he WASN'T alone, but all this had been his choice, not mine. I just needed to move on and if he wasn't going to file for divorce than my hand was forced so I could finally move on with my life.) It isn't final yet...... There seems to be one stumbling block after another for him, always a day or two before we have a court date to finalize. Can I say BEYOND frustrating?
Will started fifth grade this year, he asked to join the drama club at school! This is the first time he has taken an active interest in joining a club/sport/whatever....EVER! So we let him join, it quickly became apparent that it was very overwhelming for him to be in the group, so we rearranged his staffing services so that staff was able to support him during drama. Unfortunately he has since refused to continue as it is still too overwhelming for him. I am hoping that in a week or two he can be coaxed into trying again with staff providing more support for him. He continues to be bullied at school, they say they are working on it with an anti-bullying program at the school.
This summer I had my worst MS flare-up ever and was down for the count for about a month and ended up on 5 days of IV steroids. (I hate steroids!) My work has had it's ups and downs. My manager (who I enjoyed working for but who was extremely burnt out) quit, I got a new manager who was wonderful, but had come back from medical leave early and wasn't equipped to work in new houses, I tried to support him as much as I could but I felt more directionless than ever.....In October I was called into the office and told that my manager was out on medical leave again and would not be coming back. I continued the best I could with no direction at all, a week later I was told they had promoted someone else to be the manager and I was being pulled out of my homes, away from my clients, and put in new programs with 4 new clients. I was upset, I didn't want to leave my clients...I was given no reason why I had to move....had a new manager who was so busy with openings and overworked that now, on January 3 I still have not had the opportunity to sit down and talk with her about what her expectations are for me. 2 months went by at my new houses, I had a worse schedule, lots of stress about who would watch Will on Wednesday nights as his dad doesn't watch him on Wednesdays (only Sunday-Tuesday) because he is at his girlfriends. My parents offered to keep Will wednesday overnights which was wonderful and Will enjoyed it, but it messed up his routine and sleep pattern which was already in a bad cycle. Will would come home and work with his staff, at the end of her shift she would drive Will 20 minutes away to my parents. Over time my dad offered to drive Will back in the morning so I didn't have to drive out there every Thursday morning before school. Well, just as everything was falling into place and I was getting comfortable with my clients and their needs/routines I was called into the office again and pulled to 2 new houses, 4 new clients- same manager. I started 2 days ago. The schedule is minutely better, a lot more physical work, but less of the mental..... We shall see how long I am allowed to stay here before I get pulled with no explanation....
The holidays are always stressful, Will even threatened himself with a knife to his neck last week. I hoping this is only because of the added stress of holidays and vacations, but have no fear, I have locked up all sharps and am consulting his drs etc....
As you can see, it's been quite a year. I am not sharing this for anyone to feel bad for me. This is to show what Will and I have overcome. We survived all this, and have come out stronger. This is not to say I was grateful for the struggles while they happened, but looking back I am so grateful for everything we have gone through, struggled with, hated at the time, celebrated. Will for all his struggles lately is still solo much better than he was a year ago. He even bought me a Christmas present for the first time EVER, which makes this the best Christmas ever for me even though I had to miss my family Christmas for work on Christmas Eve and day. My divorce should be final tomorrow (fingers crossed!), and this is a new year and who knows what it will look like....personally, I am putting out the energy that it will be a great year for Will, and me. I expect struggles, grief, heartache and worry....I expect there will be much more celebrating, laughing and loving than the other stuff. I will take it all in stride (as much as I am able) and be grateful for it all. I will embrace this life of mine, and do everything in my power to make this Wills best year ever!
I had planned on no New Years resolutions this year, but as I write this I realize that I have one....to make this the best year ever for my son.... Happy New Year every one, I hope this year brings you health, happiness, peace and blessings (as much as I wish it for Will and myself ;~})
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