Tingles

Wow. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. I am daydreaming half the time when not forced to concentrate on Will or work.

Nothing has happened, all I've done is flirt when I go in for coffee. (Although I've bought a LOT more coffee than I normally would). I have not "put myself out there" as far as dating. Partly because I didn't feel it was right as I'm still married, even if it's only on paper. But I think the most important reason was I deserved to take the time to process everything that was going on with the separation, my son, my parents, my work. I also deserved to take the time to find me. I've been the model staff, daughter, sister, mother, wife and friend for so long I had lost Emily. If I was ever questioning the validity of that, I had an amazing friend to let me know I was not the same person I had been.

Now, I don't mean that she expected me to be the exact person I was in high school and college, but that I had lost such a big part of what made me me over the years.

I have spent the last 2 years sad, angry, lonely, happy, scared, tired, depressed and terrified.

I have also worked hard to find my own way. I have learned that it's ok to not have the answers, it's ok to be scared and any and all feelings. But the most important thing I've learned so far is that I'm enough, I am ok, I WILL be ok. I can be a mom, daughter, sister, staff, friend, and still be ME.

I feel like I am finally read to "put myself out there". If I find someone great! If I don't, that's ok too. I've learned I can be by myself and there's a kind of freedom and ease knowing I can be happy without someone else.

I have to say, I'm enjoying these "tingly" feelings. I feel ready to be out there. It's scary, but exciting.

I've taken the time I needed for myself. I don't feel like I NEED anyone, but I'd like to have someone. I am not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm open to one developing.

I am right where I should be. I am blessed. (Let's hope he asks me out or I get the courage to ask him out? It's been almost 18 years since I've had a date. I wonder what's changed, what's proper etiquette?)

Wish me luck!! I like the tinglies!