New perceptions

I have realized lately how negative I used to be.   Nothing ever went right for me. I had a bad marriage, I wasn't happy at work, I didn't see my friends (my husband made me feel horrible if I wanted to go out with friends-to the point that it was easier to just not go.)

See how easy it is to get trapped in these thoughts? I also was very lost in my faith. I stopped talking to GOD. I didn't stop believing exactly, I just lost my way, spent way too much time questioning rather than believing. I had turned my back on my GOD. It was a very lonely time in my life.

I knew that I had some accountability in the way my life was turning out, but everyone else got most of the blame. I mean, couldn't be me, right?

Then I had an epiphany, I decided to be positive, and I definitely became much more positive, but I still had a LONG LONG way to go. I just didn't realize it (yet).

Well, my husband left me for a 24 year old, my son fell apart and went into crisis, my mom kept getting sick, my dad was drinking heavily again, and what did I do? I held on to the anger, the hurt, and the pain.  I wrapped myself right up tight and didn't let go for anything.  I even nurtured those feelings.  I wasn't going to let go- no way, no how!  I had friends that encouraged me in their own way to keep holding onto those feelings.  I also had friends telling me to "Let go, and let GOD"  Well, how was I supposed to do that?  I was questioning my faith more than EVER.

Well, life continued on, as it usually will.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was changing my thought processes.  I was slowly pulling away from the friends who were subtly keeping me "stuck" and finding more people coming into my life who were GOD-like.  Who openly professed their love and faith in GOD, and whose messages made sense to me for the first time in so very long.  Whose messages made me feel better about myself and changed the way I think and feel.

In an earlier post I wrote about my changes in feelings towards my husband and our divorce. It's all true, it really is.  I have been awakened to the fact that even when I thought I was a much more positive person, I still had so very far to go.  This does not mean, that I am done on my journey to self discovery and the re-awakening of my faith in GOD.  Far from it.  I feel like I have just started this journey, but I am so filled with hope, happiness and peace that I am on this path and will follow it all my life.  I will strive to constantly grow in faith, love, optimism, and joy and hope that any who are interested will join me.  If not, I will still love you, but it will be from further and further away as I continue to grow.  I will not and can not let anyone stop me from my life.

This also does not mean that there won't be more posts where I need to vent, I mean hey, I'm only human and venting really helps me process my feelings and thoughts.  I hope you will understand.

I had to add this picture, owls remind me of my grandmother, one of the best women I've ever had the honor of knowing.  Her faith, love and joy were endless.

How can you not have faith in GOD, when HE gives us such beauty?

This is so true for everyone.  I am trying to live by this every day.

Again, from earlier posts, you might have heard that I've been sick for the last 2 weeks, and that I might not like being sick.  This is true, but I have come to think of it in a different way:  Every time I seem to get really sick, it is right around the time that my spirituality, faith, perceptions have changed and/or grown.  I have come to think of these episodes of being sick as a way of my body purging all the negativity from my body.  I'm getting the germs and "lack of" out of my body.  The lack of faith, love, joy, letting go of negative feelings and emotions.  So as much as I hate the feeling of being sick----I'm so excited at how amazing I will feel when I am "better".