Sunday, August 3, 2014

It is well it my soul

Will and I have had a pretty rough year.  In fact, since March things have gotten really tough and extremely scary for me.  We have had more involvement with the police then I even thought possible.  2 assault charges on my sweet, not so little 11 year old child. A trip to the emergency psychiatric ward of the local hospital for observation, and denied services from the state because we clearly can handle the situation ourselves............
On top of all this, I have had many other issues come up in my life- car, financial, relationship, etc....the list goes on and on and on.  I was hanging by a thread trying to fight for my son, trying to fight for my clients, trying to pretend like everything was fine when it was in tatters on the ground around me and I felt abandoned and alone.  (Only because I'm stubborn and don't ask for help, not because I don't have family and friends who love me....just to be clear.)
Last week I packed up for a week at camp.  Empire Grove.  I have been going to this camp for 35 years.  I have not missed a camp meeting.  However, this year felt different as I was packing, as happy as I was to be going back, I was also angry and frustrated that we were going.  Will was SUPPOSED to be in a temporary out of home placement.  An intensive 2 month program where his dad and I were to be intensely involved to give him the help he so desperately needs. 

So off we went to camp, I brought everything into the camp, unpacked, opened the windows and settled in fully expecting to pack up at any given moment and head home because Will couldn't handle being there for whatever reason.  I spent the first 24 hours on edge...but gradually the peace of the grove seeped into my soul and I relaxed.  The theme of the week was wellness.  Wellness of our mind, body and soul.  Who needed that more that me?  Or Will?

First I would like to address the one negative moment in our week- it was a doozey.   Staff showed up Wednesday for his second shift at camp.  Will was a little on edge, but I decided to listen to the staff supervisor and let staff handle Will.  I went back to the carnival for a few minutes.  However, I was put in jail while there by a precocious little 4 year old boy.  While serving my time ( a whole 5 minutes) I received a call asking me to come back to the camp.  Staff had some scratches, Will was screaming and out of control, and I arrived just in time to step between the two as Will lifted a cast iron door stopper and threw it at staff.  It quickly de escalated after that.  He apologized for his behavior,  he listened, and had a great day for the rest of the day. 

Now, I have to get into the wonderful parts of the week.....as angry and frustrated as I was, I must agree that hindsight is 20/20.  While I sometimes have a hard time believing,  in this instance I wholeheartedly believe that thing have worked out as they were meant to have.  While I railed against God, and questioned Him.  While I doubted and turned my back......He was taking care of us and doing what was needed to be done.

Will is now 12 years old, he has been attending Campmeeting at the Grove since he was 1 week old.  This year while at the Range Pond picnic he played with the other boys from the camp for over an hour.  This may not sound like much to most, but to this mom who has watched him try to play with the other boys for years and be rejected time and time again, until he eventually stopped trying......it was so huge.  I stood on the beach and cried, my heart was full.  THIS is why we were supposed to be here.......

That night, after I attended vesper services I came back to the camp only to be led inside with my eyes closed.  I was told there was a surprise waiting for me.  With no small amount of worry, I let Will lead me into the camp, I opened my eyes to a beautiful note and a sandwich he made me on his own, for no other reason than to thank me for being a wonderful parent.  THIS is why we were supposed to be here........ 

Will wanted to go on the hayride, we went on one, and when we discovered it was not the "scary senior youth ride" I was told in no uncertain terms that he was going on it with HIS FRIENDS, and I could go back to camp.  THIS is why we were supposed to be here......

And towards the end of the week when he showed me a note he got from some of the other senior youth kids telling him he was the coolest kid at the Grove, they were glad he was in work group with them, and that he played with them at the pond.....the look of joy and acceptance on his face........THIS IS WHY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE...........

As for me, I was able to nurture my body, mind and soul throughout the week through friendship, communion, worship, walking, laughter, good food, rest and song..........I am now ready to continue my journey fighting for Will and his needs, we are in the process of reapplying, I am hoping to hear in the next day or two if he was approved.....fingers crossed.......

In the meantime. .....it is well, it is well, it is well with my soul.

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