How much Christmas do we give up for our children.....and is it enough?

I ask this because I have found over the years I have pared down Christmas by more than half. I used to want to join in everything! Now when someone mentions a holiday visit my first thought is: "How will this impact Will?" Will it be too overwhelming for him? How long should I stay? What have I already committed to?

I say now, but it's been a few areas since many people have even asked. Will and I have my family Christmas party a week or two before Christmas, Christmas Eve at my parents- this year Will will enjoy this without me as I have to work. :(. Then we have Christmas morning together before his dad comes to get him. This seems to be about his threshold including going to his uncles with dad on Christmas.

This year while talking to Wills dad he mentioned Christmas Day (from 11:30a on) they would stop over at a few friends homes before going to his uncles home to celebrate with his dads family. I mentioned that it sounded like a lot for Will to manage. His dad got pretty defensive, because he wants to see all his friends AND family on Christmas. He calmly explained that they had been invited and he didn't want to make multiple drives to the same area. All perfectly logical, however I have to wonder, is there a better way to plan out Christmas to have both their needs met?

I understand wanting to see your friends especially this time of year, but shouldn't Wills sensory needs be paramount in the decision process? I'm really not trying to say anything negative about his dad (I'm really not, no matter how he would read this post) all I am saying is that if Will does too much/has too much sensory input it can and usually will affect him for days. There will be an increase in meltdowns and general frustrations, exhaustion and tearfulness, and thats just Will's response -( all of which falls on my end of the week so once again I deal with fallout from dads decisions)

I will admit that I am more than a little resentful at being placed in the position of having to give up a lot for Wills well being when his dad doesn't make the same choices. Now, I understand that what I consider the "right choice" doesn't mean that others will agree and make the same choices. I also want to make it crystal clear that I DO NOT resent having to make the sacrifices and tough choices I make for Wills sake. I would and ALWAYS will do whatever it takes for my son willingly. The resentment comes from feeling like I am the only one who makes these decisions. (I also want to be clear, I haven't lived with Wills dad for 2&1/2 years so maybe there are sacrifices he is making that I just DON'T see.....see? I can try to be fair towards his dad)

While I don't resent making the decisions I've made for Will, I do feel sad sometimes that I rarely see friends I love and care about, I feel as if I've given up some friendships that are truly missed.... While I say that I have given up on friendships we must remember it is a 2 way street. I may not have made those phone calls but no one called me either. Makes me sad, makes me wonder....we're they only fair weather friends? Were/are they just going through a lot in their own lives? Or is it just that they can't handle the changes in my life? I know I have a lot on my plate...divorce, MS, work issues, and most importantly a blessing in the form of a child who has different needs/capabilities than any other child. I know it's a lot, and some can't handle it. That's why I was given this amazing gift of Will and others weren't.

So, I happily choose to decline invitations (sometimes with a sad heart) and make the tough decisions that others can't/won't make. I will continue to pick up the pieces when things have become too much for Will. If people can't or don't want to be a part of our lives and love and support us in this journey called life that's ok. I understand, because I know there are people in our lives who have been there right along, calling to make sure we are ok, listening when I need to talk, offering to bring over ginger ale, ice cream, pumpkins or whatever we might need as well as continue to nudge me- sometimes not so gently, and thanks for that, truly- to get out and take care of me sometimes. These are the other blessings in my life that I love and cherish almost as much as Will.

So yes, for those kids who need less, most of us will gladly (if not also sometimes sadly) give up more especially during these crazy sensory overloaded holidays. For those who don't, I will try not to judge, I will keep doing me and you can keep doing you.