Just thinking...

I'm sitting here at work and thinking back on the last year. It was a year ago yesterday that Will went happily to Spring Harbor. He was all smiles thinking about going to a hospital where they would help him feel better.

For myself, I was relieved that he was happy about going, cautiously optimistic they might be able to help, and completely devastated to lose my little boy for even a short while. I mean, no one can take care of him like me....although I couldn't make this better which is why we found ourselves in this place to begin with.

Will didn't sleep well the night before because he was so excited. He had told his whole class the day before and woke up with a smile on his face and a bounce in his step. I also didn't sleep well the night before, wondering how they would treat him, if he would miss me, how would I survive without him? Without seeing his face at night? Without him crawling into my bed in the morning and snuggling....was it possible to survive?

The morning came, he smiled all the way, he was nice and polite with staff, when it came time to "check in" and to say goodbye he smiled, gave me a hug and kiss and never looked back. When I got to my car I started crying. Then I pulled myself together, drove home and broke down.

I spent the next 6 weeks visiting Will every chance I got, calling every night to make sure he went to bed ok (first 4 weeks bedtime was terrible- lots of locked seclusions and floor holds/restraints). I would be ok at work, but then I would go home and sit.....I couldn't concentrate on anything- tv, books, conversations...nothing. I couldn't bring myself to go upstairs and sleep in my own bed. I put a blowup mattress on the floor of my massage room and slept there.

They were the longest 6 weeks of my life, and the best because they brought a happier boy home to me. He wasn't perfect, we still had a lot of work to do, but he was stronger, he was happy, he was HAPPY!

During the last year, we have still had our share of struggles, and will for a long time to come but I'm really not sure where we would be if we hadn't gotten the strong foundation given to us by Spring Harbor last year. I am truly grateful for everything that place did and gave to my son and our family. I still call and check in with staff there from time to time when I have a question and need some support and suggestions. They continue to be a great support to us.

What a difference a year makes......