Friendships

I find it sad that my son doesn't have a lot of friends, but then again it keeps things kind of quiet which is nice also.

Will does have some friends. In fact he has one that has been his friend for several years, even though she has moved away and we don't keep in touch as much as we should they remain friends. He has another up to camp who he has maintained a friendship with for a number of years as well.

I was so excited yesterday when a boy his age showed up and said he would be coming over today with another boy. Yeah! Lately the children he plays with outside school are the neighbor boys who are both younger. I hope they come over more often to play/hang out with Will.

Wills dad came this morning so I could go to work. When I mentioned this new development he was not happy. He made plans to go out with his friend (she's an ex girlfriend I've always had issues with- but that's not important ;~P) and her 3 yr old son. Will has expressed many times that he doesn't want to hang out with them because they don't like the same things. While his dad did take a break from making plans (while she was unavailable anyway) he is back at it because he wants to spend time with his friend. It's frustrating when he has the opportunity to cultivate friendships for Will that are age appropriate. He had made plans to go to some other friends house for a visit, and again while the ages of the kids there are much younger (3&1/2 and 1) at least Will enjoys going to see them. The parents have been in his life since he was a baby and he feels comfortable there. So while dad goes to see his friends at least I know Will will be enjoying himself there. Even so, I would put his best interests first and cultivate the age appropriate friends since he has so few.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day....I don't want him to only play with family, adults and very small children he can boss around. I hope Will gets to see his friends today and they don't show up to an empty house so dad can see his friend. Just sayin....

I don't know how to let go...

Constantly Wills dad makes decisions that I can't fathom about Will. I don't pretend to understand the reasons, I know from a person outside his brain the reasons seem selfish and totally self serving. I am trying to see another side to the story. I know there are always 2 sides right? But even his explanations don't make sense to me. They still seem self serving to me. Am I too rigid? Maybe.....I don't know.

Over the years I've been told, and again today, that I can't control what he does--true-- so I need to "let it go" and "not let it bother me". How do I do this when what makes me so angry and leaves me feeling so helpless is the knowledge that WILL is the one that pays the price. He is the one who becomes so overwhelmed, overstimulated, overtired etc and them has to take another hit to his self esteem when he has a melt down (usually, but not always, on my end of the week- sometimes resulting in violence towards me) which makes him feel bad about himself and reinforcing his negative thoughts and self talk.

Yes, I usually deal wit the fall out and yes, there is resentment over that. However it is 95% about Will. What he needs, what he does and doesn't get and how it affects him.

Am I overreacting? I'd his dad really being selfish? Am I so rigid in my thinking that I can't see it any other way but mine? I really don't know....but either way- how do I let it NOT bother me so I'm not eaten up inside all the time?

Sick

Last night I came home from working all day to find a mess. There was a vomit covered bathmat on my darkened outside steps (not knowing what it was I picked up the slime covered mat before promptly dropping it again) so, after cleaning that and all the other messes around the house, AND calling my mom to watch Will today (school policy is if he throws up he within 24 hours of school he can't go. ). I finally get upstairs to see my beautiful boy and get his happy thoughts AND most importantly snuggle with him. Sometimes mommy needs it more than he does! This was definitely one of those nights.

He was sound asleep, having fallen asleep while waiting up for me. I have him a kiss on the forehead, turned off the light and went back downstairs with tears in my eyes. Seeing him was what got me through the day. It was just one of those days.

This morning, anyone who knows me knows I'm NOT a morning person!! I came downstairs and instead of the arguments I was expecting- getting dressed, getting off the wii, looking upstairs for his Nintendo DS case- he was so sweet and polite, even thanking me for helping him find his case.

I realized that he's been polite since Wednesday. Being the trooper that he is he went to school last week even though he told me he was having some diarrhea issues in the evening. Even staff remarked at how wonderful he was doing receiving high marks in everything on their tracking sheets. I definitely realized he wasn't feeling well when Will, Tim (staff) and I went for a walk Saturday afternoon and he had diarrhea on the side of the walking/bike trail. Again, he handled it like a trooper and cleaned himself up when we got home.

I hope he is feeling better really soon. I hate to see him sick, although I do LOVE this polite, agreeable and mild mannered child that I have for a little while at least.