Well, it is the MS

Went to my primary dr this morning. He listened to all my symptoms (complaints) called my neurologists office and talked to one of the drs there only to be told it IS an MS flare up. I have started my 5 days of IV steroid infusions. What joy, what rapture. Everything including water tastes foul. At least they left the IV/port in so I won't be riddled with bruises.

I do have one small bruise on my right forearm where they made their first attempt. The bruise started developing immediately. Didn't really show up till a couple hours later. It amused me really because there are two little pricks side by side. One from the lidocaine injection and one the failed IV. Made me think of a little baby vampire attack. Then I started giggling over why they are turning babies so young into vampires. (can you tell I'm a little sleep deprived? lol)

I had to bring my son with me today and it went fairly well. Towards the end he decided he has all the symptoms I have.....only worse. So I called my mom to see if she would be willing to watch him tomorrow. She said yes and then proceeded to yell at me for something that unintentionally upset her. I apologized for my part but she was still very upset. I can only hope that as she calms down and looks at the situation she will realize that I was out of my mind with my MS flare up and couldn't think of a way to have her not share how bad off I was with the world on Facebook. I should have just called her and asked her nicely to take it down. I know she meant well, but I wasn't in a place to think that through. U just commented on her post that things weren't as bad as she made them out to be. Again I apologize and hope that she will understand I never meant to disrespect her or not appreciate everything she and my father do for me because I appreciate it all more than I can say.

Here are some pictures in no apparent order. I don't have a computer to put them in the right order and/or caption them so I apologize for that too.

They are of my baby vampire attack, my view and IV drip, my IV port which is now bandaged, and my son occupying his time with a rolling stool and a banana as only an ASD kid can! ;). Have a great night everyone!

Forward two steps backwards one

Well, from my last post, you can tell we had a wonderful weekend, a few glitches along the way, but Will held it together very well for such a busy and overwhelming weekend. Today, he did well in the morning, had a play date with the neighbor kids. After lunch it got a little more tense. When I asked him to get his deodorant, that was our undoing.

I say our, because we both struggled. Shocked to hear me talk about my short comings? You shouldn't be, I am certainly not perfect, and I'm not afraid to admit it. I did NOT run his plan when he started struggling. He hit, I swatted his hands away, I yelled, I even swore. I'm not proud, but there it is.

We got to a point where he wouldn't stop coming after me, I sent him upstairs, he threw toys down the stairs. I went after him.....as I was lunging for him I realized I felt out of control. I wanted to hit him, like he had been hitting me. It was then that I regained control of myself with Gods help. I grabbed Will, hugged him to me tight as he fought me and started kissing him, all over his face. When he realized what I was doing he had his emotional release and just started crying.

We talked a little when he calmed down, but he's a clever boy, and likes to twist everything so it's not his fault. I was told he was hitting me out of self defense. Really? He was defending himself from deodorant? Anyway, without getting into specifics (as it would take WAY too long) we talked, we were both exhausted and he fell asleep for almost 2 hours. I woke him when his grampy came for a visit, and I'm hoping he sleeps tonight!!

Why am I sharing all this? Because I can, because other parents NEED to hear that we screw up. We make mistakes. I totally didn't run Wills plan today, for a little while, but I was able to regroup and get back on track- pretty quickly in the grand scheme of things.

Will, will be ok. He'll get through this, just as I will. Just as everyone will. We are not perfect, and that's ok. We don't need to be. We just need to be the best we can be, when we make a mistake (and we will) we need to move on and not get stuck in the blame game. It gets you NO WHERE!!

We are where we are supposed to be. There is always room to grow and be better. Give yourself a break, move on and keep striving to be better.

I am finally in a place where I accept that I'm not a perfect person, mother, daughter, sister, friend. This is ok. I'm happy with who I am. I am the best I can be, I make mistakes, I stumble, I pick myself up, grow and learn so I will be better tomorrow than I am today.

I took today's experience to show Will how we need to accept responsibility for our actions, apologize, then learn from them.

Who says parents can't admit when we are wrong? Why do I keep hearing that it's not ok to apologize to our children? I apologized for yelling, putting my hands on him in anger, and using "adult language". I feel this teaches our children that NO ONE is perfect, and no one is expected to be. But we are expected to take responsibility for our actions, and that no matter WHO we are, we are NEVER too good to apologize for bad behavior.

So yes, it may not be the most acceptable thing for a parent to do, but I do apologize to my son when it's appropriate. (and I won't apologize for it either)